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    LILAC_LANE   17,442
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Recovery During the Holidays

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Hi to all my Spark Friends,
A lot has happened since the last time I updated my blog.
Something very life changing occurred while I was recovering from my
hernia surgery. I finally was able to come to terms with the fact that
I have bulimia.

When ever I say the word "Bulimia" my knee jerk response is to make
sure that it is known that I don't throw up. Like it makes me better than
someone who does...no not at all. That thinking goes right up there
with "My sin isn't as bad as your sin" And it all stinks just the same.

I finally went to my doctor a week ago and told them about my condition.
It was so hard, but I feel like a great weight was lifted off my shoulders
and much of the shame and secrecy I felt has started to evaporate.
They did some blood work to see if there has been any long term damage
from the ED, but thankfully the few problems they found
can be treated with some prescription vitamins and minerals.

This is my first Christmas abstaining from bingeing and purging.
Food and laxatives have been my way of holiday self medicating and
weight loss for many years now. I'm very thankful that this year is different.

I want to make a strong statement here.

SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE AFFIRMS THAT PURGING WILL NOT
MAKE YOU LOSE WEIGHT.

If anything it will cause you to gain weight because the human body is smart.
It catches on that the food won't be there long, so it quickly absorbs as
many calories as it can while it has the chance.
So anyone who has purged or has considered it, please don't do that to
your body. It's not physically or mentally healthy.

I haven't been on SP as much as I use to be. Some days I find it to be very
triggering as far as the weight loss aspect. Dieting and eating disorders
are incompatible. Other days when I need support I always get it from my
Peppy Party Team. Even though they may not be walking in my shoes they
have compassion and are always there to help me keep moving forward.

As Christmas approaches my "rules" for staying on track with
my recovery are simple.

1. Don't get overly tired (Think beauty sleep) :)
2. Don't get overly committed. If my gut is "say no" then just say No
(politely of course)
3. Stay on my structured eating plan (every 3-4 hours,) allow myself my
1-2 small treats daily and write down what I'm eating
4. Ask for help when I need it.
5. Make sure I take a little "Me time" everyday. i can spare 15-30 minutes to
take care of myself in "non-food" ways.

I'm wishing all my SP friends a wonderful holiday season, and I hope to be back
more regularly after the first of the New Year.

Hugs,

Joy
AKA LIlac



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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANDOSUE52 12/23/2012 1:16PM

   

Well done, Joy. The truth really does set us free, and if we can be a gentle voice for someone going through the same thing, if we can be a voice of reason during a rough season, then maybe it's worth it. We are all on a journey and I am happy to be walking mine, with you. Hang in there.

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KELLIEBEAN 12/23/2012 8:47AM

    My daughter has been struggling with bulimia and anxiety issues for several years. I remember how did difficult it was for her to start telling us and her recovery was difficult but she has made significant progress.

I'm so glad you have come to terms with your issue and that you are talking about it. That is so important. Please keep talking and asking for help!

BIG HUGS!

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WENDYSPARKS 12/23/2012 7:18AM

    Glad you are getting the help you need....Blessings to you!

Wendy emoticon m emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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_LINDA 12/23/2012 12:20AM

    Joy, so very, very glad you are getting professional help with your ED. You are very brave and courageous to admit you have a problem and also to share it with us. Wishing you all the very best conquering this illness. I hope this is a new life for you. I have missed you on here, and will look forward to any time you feel like telling us how its going.
Wishing you and your family a special Christmas.
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LILAC_LANE 12/22/2012 8:03PM

    Debby
OCD and perfectionism is very common
In bulimia and eating disoders in general.
No you didn't offend me.
You spoke the trurh in love, and that is what
I admire about you!

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CHANGINGSAM 12/22/2012 8:01PM

    I'm so proud of you for choosing to seek help. I hope that the doctors are able to put you on a healthy track! I'm here if you need me! emoticon

Great plan for the holidays! Hope you have a merry Christmas! emoticon

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DEBBY4576 12/22/2012 6:39PM

    You have done so well in all aspects of your disorder. Definitely on the path to recovery. I don't know why but I got the feeling that many bulimics or at least you, have a minor OCD. I say this not to be unkind, because I have it too. It is the "trying to make the mind chatter of everything that needs done" and pushing myself that lead me to alcoholism. Well, at least that was one of the things. I've been sober going on 15 years. Somehow, the struggle you are going thru reminded me of that. Hope I've not insulted you with the comparison. I just felt a connection.

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DEDICATED2HIM 12/22/2012 3:27PM

    hi Joy,
I have really missed you --your blogs and seeing you in the RA team. I understand your reasons for your distance. I suffered with Anorexia for many many years and although my body does not look thin any longer, my brain still thinks like a person with ED and I know what you mean about the struggle when you are "dieting" and the difficulty that exists to keep oneself from going off the deep end. My daughter has bulemia and I know of those struggles also. You are brave to confess it --especially to yourself and to your doctor. Please come by as often as you can tolerate....if only to say Hi.
Love you girl!
Cynthia

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ANGRITTER 12/22/2012 2:04PM

    Baby steps, Joy. I am so very proud of you for bringing the ED into the light. It seems much less a secret once you have shared it in a SAFE place. You know that there is no judgement here, and that you are safe to share and that is the first of many steps.

You have talked to professionals, and that is the best thing for you. They are the ones who know it isn't a "just fix it" problem and will be able to steer you in the right direction. And by sharing, you are showing that you really do want to get better.

I am here to support you and to hold your hand if it needs holding and to listen and be that "wall" you can share all your issues with. (I talk to walls all the time because they don't tell on me!).

I wish you a happy holiday season, and please remember that when a ball is thrown to you, you can choose whether to catch it or let it fall. That is something someone told me 3 years ago and I have remembered it ever since.

Hugs, love and tremendous support for you,
Angela

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CINDYAST 12/22/2012 1:28PM

    It took guts for you to write this blog. emoticon Have a blessed Christmas.

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REFFIE1 12/22/2012 10:20AM

    I don't know if this will help you or not, but I do some pretty selective reading on Sparkpeople at times. I try not to judge, but I read a lot of blogs that strike me that the person is overexercising or doing restrictive eating. I choose to look at or befriend the inspirational people that are either humorous or just healthy in their approach to selecting foods and their exercise. I don't usually try to emulate someone on some sort of diet plan. I know as do you, diets don't work and in fact they actually make me crave whatever food the diet is restricting. I am glad you had the courage to tell about your bulimia and that you seem to have some really great strategies for not being overwhelmed during the holidays. Joy, I know that you will get through this. Just think about the New Year and spring and the feeling of renewed spirit that will be there waiting for you. I wish you love and comfort during your holidays. emoticon

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SEATTLE58 12/22/2012 10:14AM

    You did so awesome at writing this and I know it wasn't easy, but you did it and that's a good part of the recovery. Good for you! I'm so glad that you're on your way to good health. May 2013 be Merry and Bright for you and Happy Holidays to you too! emoticon
Hugs, Karen

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1EMMA2011 12/22/2012 9:44AM

    Thinking of you and wishing you a wonderful holiday season.

God Bless!

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CHRISTINASP 12/22/2012 8:31AM

    Thank you so much for sharing and being so courageous.
"Dieting and eating disorders are incompatible." This is my feeling, too.
Have a very merry christmas, Joy!

Comment edited on: 12/22/2012 8:32:03 AM

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TCANNO 12/22/2012 6:54AM

    You are on the right track, good luck as I hope you can keep with it.

Help is always on SP

Have a happy holiday

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