Hi to all my Spark Friends,
A lot has happened since the last time I updated my blog.
Something very life changing occurred while I was recovering from my
hernia surgery. I finally was able to come to terms with the fact that
I have bulimia.
When ever I say the word "Bulimia" my knee jerk response is to make
sure that it is known that I don't throw up. Like it makes me better than
someone who does...no not at all. That thinking goes right up there
with "My sin isn't as bad as your sin" And it all stinks just the same.
I finally went to my doctor a week ago and told them about my condition.
It was so hard, but I feel like a great weight was lifted off my shoulders
and much of the shame and secrecy I felt has started to evaporate.
They did some blood work to see if there has been any long term damage
from the ED, but thankfully the few problems they found
can be treated with some prescription vitamins and minerals.
This is my first Christmas abstaining from bingeing and purging.
Food and laxatives have been my way of holiday self medicating and
weight loss for many years now. I'm very thankful that this year is different.
I want to make a strong statement here.
SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE AFFIRMS THAT PURGING WILL NOT
MAKE YOU LOSE WEIGHT.
If anything it will cause you to gain weight because the human body is smart.
It catches on that the food won't be there long, so it quickly absorbs as
many calories as it can while it has the chance.
So anyone who has purged or has considered it, please don't do that to
your body. It's not physically or mentally healthy.
I haven't been on SP as much as I use to be. Some days I find it to be very
triggering as far as the weight loss aspect. Dieting and eating disorders
are incompatible. Other days when I need support I always get it from my
Peppy Party Team. Even though they may not be walking in my shoes they
have compassion and are always there to help me keep moving forward.
As Christmas approaches my "rules" for staying on track with
my recovery are simple.
1. Don't get overly tired (Think beauty sleep) :)
2. Don't get overly committed. If my gut is "say no" then just say No
(politely of course)
3. Stay on my structured eating plan (every 3-4 hours,) allow myself my
1-2 small treats daily and write down what I'm eating
4. Ask for help when I need it.
5. Make sure I take a little "Me time" everyday. i can spare 15-30 minutes to
take care of myself in "non-food" ways.
I'm wishing all my SP friends a wonderful holiday season, and I hope to be back
more regularly after the first of the New Year.