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    SADWHITEWOLF   20,586
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4 more sleeps till Christmas


Friday, December 21, 2012

If only I could.
My insomnia has been kicking my butt lately. Took Melatonin last night and it helped a bit.
Last night I was feeling very depressed and aside from general lonliness I could not figure out why.
Then I realized that I am tired, not only have I not been getting enough sleep but my job has been continuing to kick my butt. Oh yeah, and it was raining.

Yay! It's Friday! and I do not have to back to work until Wednesday Dec 26th.

I never really do manage to blog on a daily basis so I will continue on as I have by catching up on the day's since my last post.

Wednesday: As soon as I got home I got on the treadmill for my workout. I was listenening to Pandora's "Swinging Christmas" station during my cooldown and took it to the kitchen with me while I finished prepping dinner. My sister's best friend came over for dinner and I had made beef stew (from scratch) since she had very sweetly requested it. After dinner we went to Old Navy where they pressured me into buying some new "skinny clothes" pointing out that I was really beginning to look like a slob. Not only were the clothes I was wearing oversized, but they were worn out. I got a few tops, a nice peacoat, and "Skinny Jeans" (actually cordory but that is the brand. Size 14. Ok, they are still 14's but I was just shocked I could wear them at all. Another pair of 14's I tried on were too big but 12 is still uncomfortably tight.
Maybe come February I can have them. I really could not afford the clothes and they went on credit but the sales really were good (I got all of it for $50 after sales and coupons) and the Need was strong.
Positives: -I had my treadmill set at 1.5 incline (15%?) the whole time instead of my usual 2. It was a push but I got through. -The cool feeling of trying on clothes at a store and NOT feeling like a total cow for a change (my self-esteem usually takes a huge hit clothing shopping)
Negatives: To much bread and butter with my stew, and 3 Godiva Gems for Dessert (could have stopped at 1)

Thursday: Tried to do some last minutes gift shopping. I really am almost done, I just wanted a few "filler gifts". I ended up buying nothing as the crowds got to me and I was a little down.
I got home and made a beef and veggie stir fry for dinner. Then I popped in Love Actually and finished wrapping gifts, while enjoying a glass of red wine.
Positives: Healthy dinner. Pulling myself out of my funk a bit by watching a feel good movie.
Negatives: Not exercising, unless you count dancing to the music at the end of the movie and the little walking I did at the stores. It was not a cardio night but I should have done some wall push-ups and crunches at least.

Today (Friday): I admit it! I had cookies for breakfast and it was yummy! Ahem... will have to behave the rest of the day.
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This morning my weight is still holding steady!

Tonight I have plans to get on my treadmill, pack up my stuff (leaving to spend 4 days at my Mom's on Sat. morning), shower, and pay a late night fly by visit to my boyfriend after his son goes to bed.

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Self Directed Pep Talk
PLEASE, willpower, please make me actually do my exercise tonight. Do not let me cave to the already present to temptation to just goof off tonight and be over indulgent. I need to sweat and burn calories. I know I will not want to , but I know how proud I will be if I actually do. I will not really have much opportunity for a good cardio again until next Weds so I really need to do it.
I wish I had a workout buddy to push me when I get home tonight.

I will try to check in at some point this weekend.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FEB_SHOWERS16 12/22/2012 7:29AM

    Oh I have insomnia so bad! And I know I try to keep a positive attitude on my blogs but I actually suffer major depression and social anxiety.
I take Ambien for my chronic insomnia and it works really well... just not all the time.

You're doing great with checking in and trying to exercise done!! emoticon

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COXBETH 12/21/2012 10:48PM

    Good good good luck vibes are being sent your way! I know staying at your Mom's will be hard, but you can do this. Everytime you make a better choice than you would have in the past, it's a win. A BIG WIN. Don't expect to overturn a lifetime of programming at once, but just revel in how awesome you are when you make a better choice than that programming would last year.

And I agree. Bathing suit shopping is always horrifying, but clothes shopping is awful too. At my skinniest and wearing small sizes, I still found things to criticize (no bust, too short, weird upper body:lower body ratio, ugly hair...it was always something). Being able to step away from that feeling is POWERFUL.

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SPUNKYDUCKY 12/21/2012 12:28PM

    I have also been struggling with insomnia for the past week - probably because the holidays are causing a lot of generalized stress. I wholeheartedly support the idea of exercising today. Exercise - even if only for 20-30 minutes make a huge difference. Plan on doing 20 minutes and if you are enjoying it keep going, if not - 20 minutes is still better than nothing. Warmest wishes for the holiday.

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JSTETSER 12/21/2012 10:53AM

    I ate 1 cookie at school today. Yum!
Read my blog about flakes!
http://www.sparkpeople.c
om/mypage_public_journal_summar
y.asp?id=JSTETSER

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STODD251 12/21/2012 10:20AM

    Haha. I had cookies for breakfast too!

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LEB0401 12/21/2012 9:53AM

    Christmas Blues.. yuck. I think you have to be Superwoman to evade them, though.

Insomnia usually comes in waves for me. Maybe tonight you can break the cycle and start getting good rest! It does wonders for the disposition.

Love Actually.. yay! Such a good Christmas movie, hard to watch with family though, lol.

I'm jealous of your breakfast!



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