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Paraprosdokian - Don't Know What It Means - Read My Blog


Thursday, December 20, 2012

Paraprosdokian: Definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian. (when I told my Father this one over the phone, he replied, "You are.")

Okay, so now enjoy!

1. Do not argue with an idiot; he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify_____, I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.
29. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
30. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

If you come up with anymore, please share them here!

NOTE: I am still working on a blog inspired by my Wife on Wednesday evening.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
INFLATED 1/10/2013 4:02AM

    I never seem to finish anythin
This one might have come from Hollywood Squares: If at first you don't succeed, offer her money.

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VICKILYN4 1/9/2013 8:03PM

    These were funny.. Laughed so hard my son came and checked on me. Thanks for sharing!


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CARDSFAN720 1/3/2013 12:24AM

    emoticon I think George Takei would love these!! Thanks for a great laugh!

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CASEYTALK 1/2/2013 3:38PM

    One from Dorothy Parker: If all the young women who attended the Yale prom were laid end-to-end, I wouldn't be the least surprised.

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MEMARE 12/31/2012 1:11PM

    Those were cute! Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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SUECHRIS50 12/27/2012 3:47PM

    #14 is so true!!I love them all though!

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ARCHIMEDESII 12/27/2012 2:58PM

    31) My New Year's Resolution is to stop procrastinating, but I keep putting it off.

LOL !!

Feel free to steal that. I'm sure I stole it from someone else.

Great blog !



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TOTHEFUTURE1 12/23/2012 12:00AM

    Funny thanks for sharing
Money can't buy love but with money you can rent it

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SAMBIDEXTROUS 12/22/2012 11:46PM

    Love these!

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LAURAAT 12/22/2012 7:44PM

    Hahaha! These were so funny. I don't have any to share, but thanks for posting this, I read some outloud to hubby and we shared some good laughs.

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ADARKARA 12/22/2012 8:53AM

    Love these! My late father loved these sorts of sayings. Happy Holidays!

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CCASKEY37 12/22/2012 7:05AM

    I'm stealing most of these to use for my status.

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OPTIMIST1948 12/22/2012 12:14AM

    Funny!

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KAYDE53 12/22/2012 12:08AM

    emoticon Loved these!!

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REDDBETSY 12/22/2012 12:02AM

    This made me laugh so hard that water almost came out of my nose (it hurt)! I am still working on how to pronounce the word, though. Para-pros-do-ki-yan?

Amazing
!

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JUSTLIKEALICE 12/21/2012 10:02PM

    Best blog ever!

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TEENY_BIKINI 12/21/2012 9:50PM

    emoticon

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FROSTY99 12/21/2012 5:14PM

    emoticon Marty we can always count on you to come up with something to keep us laughing!

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BOVEY63 12/21/2012 3:42PM

    Good ones!
emoticon

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ALIHIKES 12/21/2012 2:48PM

    LOVE these, Thank you for posting! Very funny -- and many of them are too true!

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LINDA! 12/21/2012 1:53PM

    emoticon Hilarious!!

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.DUSTY. 12/21/2012 12:19PM

    emoticon Love it!

I saw this a couple of days ago but didn't want to read it. I thought it was going to be about some type of strange disease that affects only fat people. I should have known better coming from you! LOL!

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CYNCERELY4ME 12/21/2012 10:31AM

    emoticon

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STODD251 12/21/2012 8:49AM

    This is awesome! It made me smile emoticon

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DIXIEDOODLEDEAN 12/21/2012 8:47AM

    My my, you are a joy to read.

One that has shown to be true is "No good deed goes unpunished"

Spark ON!!

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SADWHITEWOLF 12/21/2012 8:37AM

    Way to get my attention! I love having new words!

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DESERTDREAMERS 12/21/2012 8:37AM

    These are good - thanks!

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KJDINSC 12/21/2012 7:57AM

    Reading this blog was a great way to start my day. Thanks!
emoticon

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TATTER3 12/21/2012 7:02AM

    I'm printing this off for work. See what people miss when they don't join SP??? You're a clever boy!!!!LOL

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KAYATLANTA2010 12/21/2012 6:27AM

    Enjoyed this blog! emoticon emoticon

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SWAZY33 12/21/2012 5:51AM

    The news one is especially true!

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BARCLE 12/21/2012 2:55AM

    emoticon these are great!

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LJCANNON 12/21/2012 12:37AM

    emoticon I love these -- Don't be surprised if you see them onMy Updates!!

emoticon I am waiting for Your Dear Wife to join SparkPeople and write some Blogs. Could be VERY Interesting!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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2ABBYNORMAL 12/21/2012 12:13AM

    I can't thing of anymore.
I have a brain, but it isn't working.
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DRB13_1 12/21/2012 12:09AM

    emoticon
I just bought tickets to see Steven Wright in February - sounds a lot like his humor.
Thanks for the smiles - I needed them!
emoticon

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DEBBIEANNE1124 12/20/2012 11:30PM

    emoticon

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JACKIE542 12/20/2012 11:21PM

    Thanks for the laughs, I am trying to think of something to add, but my mind is blank, you pretty much said it all. LOL! Have a great evening. emoticon

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LINOVER 12/20/2012 11:02PM

    These definitely made me smile! Thanks for sharing!

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CHUBRUB3 12/20/2012 10:47PM

    LOL!! Another winner Marty!
Glad to hear your still working on the blog inspired by your wife. Would hate to have guess what number she inspired for this blog.
Merry Christmas!
Angela

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PURPLE180 12/20/2012 10:35PM

    emoticon Good ones. emoticon

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POPSY190 12/20/2012 10:24PM

    I liked this! Thank you.

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