Thursday, December 20, 2012
So, ever since Halloween, I've been stressing about how to get through the holidays. It's been one temptation after another for the last two months! All in all, I'd like to say I've been doing well, but mentally, I think all I've bee doing is driving myself crazy! Do I aim for continuing weight loss or don't I?... What is realistic for me right now? Well after weeks and weeks of agonizing, I realize now that the decision was already made for me when I first blogged about this delimma. Maintenance mode is what is working for me, and the reality of me continuing to lose through this holiday season is simply unrealistic FOR ME. Whew... Do you realize what kind of weight has been lifted off of my shoulders by my admitting this?! FINALLY?! And, I have to be clear about something, I am not looking at this as giving up. Because frankly the fear of regaining is VERY much a part of my everyday existence. And for this stage of the game that I am in right now, that is enough for me. The whole "giving up" idea is something that I don't want to allow into my mind. That really is just scared dieting nightmare type of talk, anyways. I've lived that kind of roller coaster for too long. I think Thanksgiving was the kicker for me. I ended up gaining 4lbs! It was a serious confidence blow. I started feeling week again. I felt my old habits creeping back. I think the only thing that kept me on track was the fear of regaining all my weight back. I mean, I finally feel like the everyday things that used to be so difficult aren't a struggle anymore. I just don't want to go back to the way it was. So, in my last blog, I resolved to set a 7-day kick start plan to get me back on track. I lovingly called it "reclaim me" week. I'm happy to say that it worked, because I was able to get those 4lbs back off. So, I guess that was proof to me that I could stick to my plan in a maintenance mentality instead of a weight loss mentality. I'm just tired of driving myself crazy. Christmas is right around the corner now, and it is a time to be thankful for all of the blessings in my life. And that is exactly what I want to do with my time over this next week. Be thankful. And if that means working out in order to put some cookies in my mouth without driving myself crazy about it, then that is ok with me. I'm thankful that I don't have to drive myself crazy about this anymore. I'm also thankful that I have learned enough to know that once all this hustle and bustle is over with, and back to normal settles back in, all of my tools for starting to lose again will be waiting for me. So much of this is such a mind game, but I think I've won this round. I'm happy with my decision, and I feel so much better for letting some of this go. Finally I feel like I can just enjoy Christmas now, and everything that it is supposed to mean.