Waiting to Exhale
Thursday, December 20, 2012
It has been politely suggested that I try a torso shaper. Thanks. But now I think that youíre trying to kill me.
I have seen them, and already I shiver in fright. I am not trying these without some more guidance. Now, I must admit I like my Spanx, but sometimes they are not enough. Are there such things as Flogx?
First of all, why do catalogs always show skinny people modeling body shapers? I want to see a true before and after. I donít want to see someone who canít pinch half an inch become perfected. I want to see someone who has lady lumps in unlady like places. Iím talking four breasts because only half of them fit in the bra. I want to see a body shaper on her.
Secondly, I want to make sure that these body shapers donít dig into my flesh like chastity belts. Iím quite chaste enough. I donít need to be chafed too. Seriously, I have worn knee highs that left me with scars. Sometimes the elastic of underclothes can take its job too seriously. I want my fat rolls to be roped in. I donít want to be left with rope burns.
Apparently, there is a store in my city that specializes in hard to fit shape wear and underclothes. Iíd like to visit them soon to see what they can suggest.
Until then, Iím happy to breathe without being kidney punched by a modern day corset. And until you tell me otherwise, Iíll think that all torso shapers are just bear hugs in disguise.
Waiting without bated breath,