WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thursday, December 20, 2012
I have been on this path to better health and weight loss for a long time now. I know what works and I know how to make it all work for me…good and healthy food choices; weighing, measuring and tracking; exercise that helps develop muscle strength and gets my heart pumping; and, planning ahead for meals and unexpected events. There are lots of other little tricks I’ve learned along the way, too, including controlling evening eating by closing the kitchen and getting out of there, and not buying snacks and treats or bringing them into the house. These things are all good techniques and as I said, they really do work for me…when I put them into practice.
However, there seems to be this other side of me that I just can’t reconcile or plan around. I don’t know exactly what to call it except what it seems to be: an addiction to everything that is all wrong for me!! Earlier this week, we took a little sight-seeing trip with another couple. We had a great time exploring SE Arizona. Lots of things to see and do, and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We always had the breakfast at the motel (and I had no trouble making healthy choices for breakfast) and then ate out for the other two meals. I took along fresh fruit and plenty of water to drink.
Here’s the sad part…at every point where I had an opportunity to make good or at least decent choices…I did not! When I could have had a fresh salad, I chose a chicken and cheese quesadilla. In the evening, we ate at Wendy’s and I had a small sandwich and shared some fries with Richard, but then bought a frosty. I had chocolate covered pecans that we bought at the pecan farm. The next day I chose broccoli, potato and cheese soup for lunch and then added chocolate cream pie at the last minute. I won’t bore you with the rest of the list, as it does go on. On the way home yesterday, we stopped at a Costco to pick up a few things we needed and then added some snacks to the cart “just in case we have friends stop by” or if we decide to go to happy hour and bring something along, as most people do.
What on earth is wrong with me? I know I can’t do things this way and not pay the price! I know I can’t have junk in the house or inevitably I am seeking it for a treat and then the cycle begins…hand to mouth over and over again. One bite and I'm sunk!! Somehow and some way I must learn how to live with these challenges! Isn’t that what we hear over and over again here on SP: that whatever you choose to do, you need to figure out a way to make it work for the rest of your life! So how, then, if I can’t even make it through the challenges of weight loss, do I expect to be able to do it for the rest of my life??? When I get to goal weight, I know I won’t be able to magically handle (pun intended) snacky type junk food—certainly not if I can’t do it now.
This blog is long and I haven’t written one for a while, I guess because I’m disappointed and concerned (and no, I am NOT beating myself up, but rather, I’m trying to analyze what it is that goes wrong for me). I’m hoping someone will have some ideas for me. Is it a lack of commitment? It just seems as though every time I get outside my comfort zone of home and my planned meals, I totally fall into this deep hole that I have to try to climb out of…again! What do you think? Surely, I’m not the only person who has experienced this…or am I? I'd surely love to hear from you if you have met this monster head on and whipped him!!!
Member Comments About This Blog Post
For me I get greedy. I want what I want. I guess I think I deserve it because I'm tired, I'm on vacation, I'm celebrating etc. But when I get in the habit of healthful choices I find that I actually like them too. So what works for me is visualizing making healthful choices ahead of time. When I allow myself to "kick the habit" and make healthy rehearsed choices I'm actually happier and just as satisfied.(Perhaps more so.) I have been most successful when I utilize repeated planning and use visual practice. If your like me I know what I need to do but old habits are my guide t0o often. I have revaluated my plans and I'm going to put more effort into daily planning and visualization.
1638 days ago
Sounds like your only human to me. I agree, you aren't beating yourself up to badly, just a little. all of us on Spark can not understand how we can choose incorrectly so often. I was already rewarded with good tasting food which was not good for me. Did not know it at the time so I learned a bad habit. As you know it takes a lot longer to form a new habit (choosing correctly) then to revert to the warm fuzzy feeling we get from making familiar choices which may not be good for us. I agree with others who responded to your blog. You know what you did wasn't right. Perhaps you bent under Peer pressure. Whatever the cause you have a choice each time you eat, simply try to choose the most appropriate item available at the time. Ex: salad at wendys versus bacon cheese burger. If no healthy choices order and when the food arrives cut it in half and only eat that half.
I have tons of weight to lose and like you I know what I need to do but sometimes I need helpful hints. Looks like you have made amazing progress. Way to go!
1645 days ago
Hi Jeannie, Unfortunately I can relate a little too well with your blog. It seems when I go out to a Restaurant or out of my comfort zone I don't always make the healthiest choices either. It might be because I actually don't eat out very often so figure it's fine for that special time to go off track, but that isn't a real healthy way to look at it. Like you said, if we can't make healthy choices and overeat now it's sure not going to be any easier when we're trying to maintain our happy weight. But, reading about your food choices it didn't seem as bad as I think you thought it was. It's like your on a perpetual vacation in AZ for over 4 months. It must have been hard last year for you also, or was it? Lots of people have already given you some good ideas. You just have to bite the bullet and not buy any unhealthy snacks or if you do put a serving in a baggie and only allow yourself one or two a day that will fit in and not make you go over your calorie range. It sounds like with the evening drinks with your friends of coarse you feel you want to bring something tasty to share with others. I'll bet some of your friends would enjoy some cut up veggies with a low cal dip that you can buy or make yourself. Or even some cut up fruit once in awhile with a yogurt dip on a warm night would be healthy and good for you as well as Richard and others. Frankly, I don't know it's ever going to be easy as pie as we both love food so much especially the salty and sweet stuff. Remember what great progress you've made this year and no one can take that away from you but yourself. Have you taken the time to write some doable goals for 2013 yet? I'm working on my list and going to make it detailed and post if up in several places in my house where I'll see it. Maybe you should post your list or even a quote that hits home and read it when you're tempted to buy or eat something unhealthy look at it on your sun visor. Or, maybe even post up a few before pictures of yourself as a reminder of what you looked like before you lost your weight and wasn't eating very healthy. I hate almost every picture taken of me the last 15 years and it's mainly because I can't believe how fat I've let myself become. I do know people that instead of eating something snackie they eat seedless sunflower and pumpkin seeds and it keeps their hands and mouths busy. That's a lot better than most snacks are. I'm not a gum chewer but I've read that when a craving strikes some people deal with it by popping a stick of gum in their mouth. I can't do that as I get too carried away and chew and pop my gum doesn't sound or look too nice. Believe me we're in this together dear friend. You've done so wonderful so far and it's best to cut down now before you make unhealthy eating/snacking a habit again. I know you can do this. . .I know how much that all means to you to feel healthy and happier with yourself. Re-commit to stronger healthy food choices again.
1647 days ago
My dear Jeannie, you have been my hero and even though you have gone a little off track, you're still my hero! I do think it's the change of your life style "comfort zone", and also the holidays. It's a time of joy, happiness and celebration. Everyone can enjoy what they want--why can't I? My words a lot, these last few weeks. No one is perfect, honey, and we all do make mistakes. You are smart enough to know what your mistakes are and you will be right back on track as soon as your mind understands this 100%. I know for me that most of this, if not all, will be over at the end of this month. I have a whole list of do's and dont's and hopefully will be able to stick to this list. Knowing you, you will back on track way before I am. You are a very strong woman and I know you will have a heart to heart talk with yourself and you will be fine. Love you!
1647 days ago
You made a few small concessions Jeannie you did not eat a h=whole box of macadamia nuts or half a chocolate cream pie.Just adjust gradually for the rest of the week and get back on track.You made it sound like you went on a horrendous binge but when I read what you had eaten I thought you had just stepped out of the boudaries a little .There is no shame in a few treats on occasion.
1648 days ago
Well, I think that everyone that has written here are on the same page as you are, Jeanne. That includes me. They have a multitude of potential helps which are great but if we can't resist, build it into your calorie range for the day. It may not be a food considered healthy but the calories are still there and when counted, you will kn ow where you are in your base.
We are back home right now for 2 wks., celebrating Christmas with family. We cleaned the house out of ALL food to travel with and we are going to the store every day or so just to fix meals so you can imagine we are off base right now as well. We got a lean ham when we got home along with potatoes, frozen veggie and milk. Of course we needed butter, bread and something for breakfast. I believe we have had ham different ways every day since Sun. Thank heavens the ham will be gone after tomorrow noon. We did buy one meal of beef steaks. Neither one of us like to eat away from home for the reasons you stated and have at least 2 days on the road to return to TX. and to our home cooked meals in the camper.
Hang in there and you will find your base. It takes time and be good to yourself by not beating yourself too bad:):) Merry Christmas!!
1648 days ago
I think all of us have been here, Jeanne! When you are out and about it is normal to want to eat what all our friends and family are eating. I think if you want to have one thing a day that is off, maybe it wouldn't be too bad. Just plan what you are going to run across and plan in advance where you will "cheat"! That is what I try to do, because I know that I can't ALWAYS make the healthiest choice! Good Luck, my friend!
1648 days ago
Jeanie, wish I had some words of wisdom but you know I haven't been at this very long. I do know that if I want something, I have SOME of it. The weekend that we were away, we ate out every day, but I cut the meal in half. I still had some awesome things to eat. And, I LOST weight.
The biggest thing for me, is do NOT tell yourself that since you've been 'off' schedule, you might as well 'Fugetaboutit' and start over 'sometime'. And, for me that would be really easy to do at this time of year. I could just tell myself that I will try again, after Christmas. That's what I've done in the past. Don't be as dumb as I was. LOL
Bottom line is ~ we ALL know you can do this. And, I believe, deep down so do you. Be good to yourself, my friend.
1648 days ago
Comment edited on: 12/20/2012 8:44:30 PM
You might think I have all the answers since I have made the change and remained in normal weight for a year and half. But I still have an occasional treat or maybe the forbidden food. That might be the word occasional.
If I am on vacation I know we like to relax and live as normal as everyone else. But who's to say the people who eat everything they want are the normal ones?? I think more that I am the one who is eating healthy and normal.
As far as the goodies go. pick one meal of time of day and when the next meal comes up, tell yourself you have already had your treat, that's it.
Announce to your friends, hubby that you are trying to eat a certain way and need all the encouragement you can get. I announce that I am not indulging in certain foods. Or If I am it's only a couple of bites. My sweetie will order and we share. He eats the ,most, he is 6"3" and can handle the extra.
I'm sure right after you ate something you regretted it . And that few minutes of pleasure from that food is not enoughfor you to sabotage you good choices.
If traveling, take snacks with you so when others stop for high calorie treats, you are covered. Or stop, think long and hard before you order , look for something that won't eat away at your calories for the day.
This is going to be a lifetime challenge and if you don't get it right now, you will continue to struggle. And life is too short for that.
I like to think is it my being healthy, or the food that is most important to me. I have made the choice healthy 98% of the time. Will I get to 100%, I don't know but I'm doing pretty good.
I have a blog coming out about having my cake and eating it too.
Take care, this is a tough time of the year to stay on track 100% of the time.
Do the best you can.
1648 days ago
I can't have "IT" in the house... and every-ones "IT" is different My DH is so slim, works in construction, so I don't like to deprive him, although his eating habits have changed drastically for the better since I joined SP I buy him stuff that I CAN leave alone or eat a serving of occasionally. That way everyone is happy
Eating out I only order water with lemon to drink, and IF I feel like dessert we share. I'm finding that a couple bites satisfies me I know... I can't believe it either These new habits have taken a long time to kick in but every time I follow through with good choices it makes the next time easier
So consider having treats for pop-in guests that you don't like and when going to others homes there's nothing sweeter than a bunch of cuties/pears/apples/grapes/nuts etc. all good for you and still reflects the holidays
Speaking of the holidays... it's a mind set we have to turn off from years of equating food with love and celebration
Don't worry about future maintenance... today is all we really have and feeling good is so worth the effort. One day at a time my dear friend
1648 days ago
Comment edited on: 12/20/2012 5:56:55 PM
I do think a lot of us have been or are still in the same place as you. I am one that knows the answers of what I need to do but end up doing the opposite and often wonder as you do why I am doing it.
But I do believe we can overcome this - we need to take small steps set something into motion for when we fall into these temptations. One think I did in 2012 was I gave up pop and chocolate - and am feeling the benefits of this great change. This time of year there are a lot of chocolates going around but I just don't have the craving for them and as for pop I can't imagine now drinking any.
So maybe take a few days now and think of one or two things you can change starting in January that will help you get through next Christmas.
1648 days ago
Well, Jeannie, I think you said what happens: You're out of your home comfort zone. I definitely do not think it's a lack of commitment.
Add to that the holidays, the more social life you're living while you're in AZ (which, unfortunately, seems to include snacks/treats). You are adjusting to your new 'lifestyle' for the winter months, but unfortunately for you it's including unhealthy eating.
To be honest, I think we've all been there.
Do your AZ friends know that you are working on a healthier lifestyle? One that is filled with more healthy foods and activities/exercise? I think you've been getting in some exercise by using the pool. I realize it isn't up to them to be the Food Police, but it might help you and them too. Even if they are 'normal weight' healthier foods will be just that for them too - healthier.
Bottom line. I know you can do this. We already know it isn't easy and won't be easy when you reach goal. I think not bringing in snacks that aren't healthy 'in case someone tops by or you have a social event' is one place to start. Then when you do take your little trips you can work by cutting portions in half of anything that isn't really within your calorie range. You can possibly make up those calories with exercise.
Good luck to you, Jeannie. You've done great and I have faith in you.
1648 days ago
Ah, Jeannie - like others have said -- I've been there too, and like Gayle says - it is a 24/7 thing. That being said, I know for me it is a lifetime of self-indulgence, habits, and falling into the ego trap of 'just this one time it won't hurt' to overcome. What has helped me is to remember the pain of weighing more and the realization, that constant self-sabotage won't help me achieve my goals.
As you know I do songs to keep me focused ... with apologies to Tom Petty & Jeff Lynne - I rewrote this to inspire me when I'm faltering:
Well I won't back down, no I won't back down
You could stand me up at the Snacks of hell
But I won't back down
Gonna stand my ground, won't be turned around
And I'll keep this Weight from draggin' me down
Gonna stand my ground and I won't back down
Hey Jackie, there ain't no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I won't back down
You know better than anyone else what works for you and I know that you will figure out what you need to do to help you with this. I support you all the way...
You are brave and honest for acknowledging these thoughts ... thank you for sharing.
Love, Jackie O
1648 days ago
I really think that this time of the year has a lot to do with it. We are programed (at least I believe that I am) to equate "festive" with rich, fatty, "special" foods. I think being away from home is the same thought process. You poor thing - no wonder you had it rough - a double whammy! Look at it this way - you made a lot of good choices; you didn't completely go off the deep end. You were still evaluating. The next time you are out with friends or on vacation, try to remember the good decisions you made and see if you can cut the number of poorer choices in half. I really don't think it's wise to say a complete NO to food that you want. But a baby Frosty or just have 1/2 of a small one - in that case it's not wasting food, it's saving yourself and your calorie range. I know I can't put off a food that I want indefinitely and the sooner I negotiate a serving with myself, the sooner I can move forward. And it's all about moving forward! "One step backwards, two steps forward", Spark Coach says! You and I are doing the best we can and we are going to make this work!
1648 days ago
Jeannie....That is always what happens to me! When I lost 125 lbs. 30 years ago, I just went back to my old habits and gained it all back plus another 120lbs
I guess we have to be aware 24/7 and not let our addictions run our lives!
Easier said then done
Good luck sweetie....when you figure it out, let me know too!
1648 days ago
Wanna join the mutual disgust club??? read my last two blogs.. I could have written yours today.. The only one I need to whip is ME.. pa-shing!
1648 days ago
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