Wednesday, December 19, 2012
I'm in trouble here.
My calorie intake has been out of control for the last two weeks. Last week I gained about a pound and a half. I'll consider myself lucky if it's not worse this week.
The only thing that's saving me is exercise. I've been pretty consistent with that, but I have to admit, I blew it off yesterday and was sorely tempted to do the same today. But I didn't. I made myself go out for a walk after work and, once I got started, I didn't know why I was so resistant. I had a great walk -- 7.1 miles in 98 minutes!
While I was walking, I was thinking about "what my problem was".
It occurred to me that the last time I lost a significant amount of weight (about 3 years ago), I "fell off the old SparkWagon" about this same time of year.
Back then, I was having significant "issues" with my extended family and that estrangement continues today. I let that situation knock me off track back then.
I never made a conscious decision to stop eating in a healthy way or to stop exercising. I was entrenched in emotional quicksand and, the more I struggled to get out, the worse it became. Add in the usual holiday stress and I just forgot about taking care of myself.
You know what happened next.
I regained almost all the weight I'd lost.
So, there I was tonight, walking as fast as I could, with sparks shooting out of my sneakers.
A perfect opportunity to confront myself and my demons!
I wanted to know if I was really going to let myself do the same damn thing again!
Did I REALLY want to have to work this hard to get back to this weight and level of fitness again?!
The answer to both questions was a resounding, "NO!!"
Is my eating out of control because I don't know any better? That I don't know how to eat right?
Another great big "NO!!!"
OK, Kath. Then, what's the deal?
The only thing I can come up with is that I've been so busy with Christmas prep that I stopped prioritizing my healthy lifestyle. I even thought about saying, "The heck with it till after the holidays."
I figured, they're less than a week away. And I'm going on vacation for a few days between Christmas and New Year's, and I'll probably let myself slide a bit then. Why not just give myself a break and live it up for a couple of weeks. How much damage could I do?
I'll tell you how much . . .
I can already see, with my calorie intake being so out of control, that it would be way too easy to stop paying attention to what I'm doing on a more permanent basis than "just a couple of weeks"! That would mean the pounds would start creeping back on almost immediately. Can't have that!
If I wasn't consistent with my exercise, I'd probably have put on a lot more than a pound and a half already. Given that I'm already feeling resistant to getting out there after dark, when it's cold, it would be waaaaayyy too easy to take an "exercise vacation" that turned into a "no exercise life". That's just out of the question!
As I walked/jogged my 7+ miles tonight, I thought back to how it felt to walk when I started out about 6 months ago . . . my legs hurt, especially my knees. My left hip gave me pain. And breathing? Practically out of the question! I could barely walk a mile! Jogging was just a very faint memory that I didn't dare dream of reaching again. At least, not in that condition.
Well, look at me now . . . I can ride my bike for 25+ miles. I can jog 6 miles. I can walk over 7 miles. I'm even doing strength training on a consistent basis for the first time in my life! And my arms are starting to have some real definition! That's what I said I wanted -- Michelle Obama arms -- right?!
I also thought about some of the compliments I've been getting from other people. First, from my mom, who almost never says I'm doing anything right. From my cousin, who visited me last weekend. And from my co-workers and friends. Darn right, those compliments felt good!
The other day, I reached into my closet for a belt to wear with my jeans and grabbed the wrong one. It was HUGE! If I needed a visual to remind myself how far I've come, that was it and it felt GREAT! I felt PROUD of my accomplishment!
And yet, here I am.
Well, enough is enough.
Time for me to rededicate myself to my mission!
Starting right here and right now, I rededicate myself to making healthy and positive choices that lead me to live a healthy lifestyle, reach my goals, and be true to my vision of becoming the best person I can be.
1. I will prioritize my own health and emotional well-being.
2. I will focus on what is truly important in life: my husband and son and people I love and who love me as I am.
3. I will not be side-tracked by the stress of the situation with my extended family; it's done, over, and not worth my time or worry.
4. Nor, will the hustle and bustle of Christmas be a negative stressor for me; I will enjoy the lights, carols, and the spirit of love around me.
5. I will look forward with confidence, joy, and peace.