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What Not To Do or What I Used To Do

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Got this from a friend in the e-mail today. Wow. Talk about an eye re-opener. Holiday Warrior to my rescue! Thank-you, Jesus!


>> 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
>> table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,
>> leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
>> 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You
>> cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
>> that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going
>> to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it.
>> Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
>> 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
>> gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
>> your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
>> 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
>> whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
>> car with an automatic transmission.
>> 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
>> your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat
>> other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
>> 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
>> Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
>> This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
>> buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
>> eggnog.
>> 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
>> frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
>> yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
>> becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of
>> shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
>> 8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin,Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if
>> you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
>> three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
>> 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
>> mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
>> some standards.
>> 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
>> or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read
>> tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
>> Remember this motto to live by:
>> "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
>> arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
>> skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand and wine in the other, body
>> thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a
>> ride!"
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Too funny! laughing out loud!
    1872 days ago

    You won't find me at a buffet! emoticon But I would like to find some Eggnog th at I can drink and not have to take away something to do it! emoticon
    1884 days ago
    I get sick all too easily when I eat like that. I do enjoy Christmas and all the goodies just not too much at a time.
    1884 days ago
    Holidays are for sharing. Great blog! emoticon
    1886 days ago
  • KONRAD695
    That's emoticon . And that's why I used to sleep so well 10 hours at a time. Early hibernation practice for death.

    PS- you can exchange any single rule if you eat at least four pieces of fudge
    1886 days ago
    LOL! Nice. I think it's important to remember to enjoy ourselves at Christmas time and other holidays as well, but to remember that moderation is key too. I mean, Christmas day....go ahead and have some much deserved fun....but not every day between Dec 15th and Jan 2nd. That's just asking for disaster. LOL. So, keep up the awesome work and enjoy the pie and cake!
    1886 days ago
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