this is really yesturdays blog but i was so stressed,in pain,down etc,etc that i thought it was better to wait till i was on a more even keel to post it.to be honest life is getting me down abit but even though i am down i am by no means out.i have had enough of going 3 times a week for my irn test,i am lonely without lotfi,even though my face is alot better than it was it still bothers me at times like today for example.lotfi also said it looks left side looks abit swollen when he saw it on skype today.i am tired as i have had very little sleep theese last few days with ayman feeling ill and i seem to have not enough time in the day.monday morning had my irn test,afternoon was at the dermatologist for ayman he says he has extreem allergic exzeema and we had to go to the skim hospital next day so tuesday was fast the whole day at the skin hospital.they wanted to keep ayman in there and there but because of his age i would have to stay with him they said(not that i wouldnīt have stayed with him anyway,lol)told them it wasnīt possible yet as lotfi is not here and the other two kids have school.so asked can we do it in the school holidays as my sil is off work and zakariya and ayyub can go and stop with her while i am in the hospital with ayman.so ayman is now due to go into hospital 27th of december and the dr said i should expect him to be in for at least 5 days so looks like i will be seeing new year in in a hospital room.all they will be doing is treated his skin while he is there(he scratches all the time and his constantly bleeding i am often awake with him in the night as he is in so much pain.he hates me putting on his cortizone cream as it hurts so i have a real battle with him that i end up crying along with him but he needs the cream.he also has an antihistermine medicine to take at night as well.re what he is allergic too the dr says it can be a long slow process to find out what it is.i only hope it is one of the things zakariya is already allergic too so i donīt have to do even more extra cooking,lol.we will have to go every week to the childrens surgery as outpataince once a week for a while after he comes out of hospital.yet another appointment,lol.what with me going 3 times a week for my irn,aymans speach theraphy 2 times a week plus other drīs,hospital,theraphyīs etc now the childrenīs surgery once a week n top.who knows when i have time to do the housework lol.today was irn teast and aymans speach theraphy.tomorrow we have the landlord coming round for his once yearly check and to read the electric meater etc.the place looks like a bombs hit it.tomorrow morning i guess i will be cleaning like a mad womenīlol.having said that i also have a lot to be thankful for especially when i think of all the children and teachers killed in the new town massacre.my heart goes out to the parents and family of thoose who lost their love ones.i will look forward and just get on and do what has to be done.i am not adding extra stress to my already stressful life so at the moment my loosing weight is on hold .if you have got this far in reading,i thank you for taking the time.take care and keep smiling.love karen