Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Yesterday, right around 3 PM, a craving hit me.

When I binged, my biggest weakness was Little Caesar's pizza. There's a hot-and-ready location in our shopping center and it was the work of a few seconds to stop by, grab a soda and a pizza, hide out in my car and eat it.

All of it.

Every bit.

I'd feel terrible afterwards, bloated and waddling and swear I'd never do it again. But it happened at least once a week. The guilt was incredible and I could never look my husband in the eye after I'd done it for fear he'd ask me "What did you have for lunch?"

I finally came clean about it with him when we started talking about my losing weight and getting control of my spending. It was mortifying and I cried through the entire conversation. But I came clean.

I haven't eaten at Little Caesar's since I started losing weight, but the cravings are still there. Especially on rough days, when I'm emotionally strung out or if I didn't have a large enough lunch, all I can think about is a pizza. On a few occasions, I've been able to analyze the root cause of my craving, whether it's emotional or dietary in nature (and sometimes it is: I'm often satisfied by oatmeal with turkey bacon when I'm craving pizza).

Yesterday, the craving hit me so hard. I'd skimped on lunch and was looking at a likely dinner of spinach and cranberries. I wanted pizza. It was hot, easy, cheap. Disgusting, yes, but...

It took everything I had to keep myself from walking out the front door at dinner. I knew that if I left the building for any reason on my dinner break, I'd make bad decisions, so I forced myself to stay in, even though it meant sacrificing gym time. I knew I'd do something stupid if I walked out the door, even with the best of intentions.

Dinner was spinach and cranberries, wheat thins and two mini Twixes. I went home hungry, but I didn't go home guilty.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm iffy on Smart Ones and other packaged meals because of the sodium content. I'm also not eating at home, which makes doctoring a packaged meal difficult. I survive as long as I keep my head down when I recognize a strong craving.
    1886 days ago
    Wow. Tough day. Spinach and cranberries wouldn't do it for me, if I was craving pizza. There is a Smart Ones (or one of the frozen meal-type boxes) that has a roasted vegetable small pizza that is really tasty. It may even be a whole wheat crust. It's satisfying and I usually add more veggies -- olives, mushrooms, etc. -- before I pop it in the microwave. Of course, here, there's more cheese involved, too, but it's still a relatively healthy choice.
    1886 days ago
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