Wednesday, December 19, 2012
saw this article this morning "Could your family be why you are still single". Of course I had to read it. The last reason caught my attention. Might be something that I have to work on. (that is one reason I copied to a blog- so I will have it)
Family Issue #5: You’re estranged from your family and don’t interact with them at all
Are you emotionally disconnected from your family, for the most part? If so, you may believe that they couldn’t possibly affect your love life… but this isn’t always the case. “Oftentimes, people are still very much influenced by their family of origin, despite being disconnected from them,” says Dr. Anderson. “For example, you may unknowingly be looking for a substitute family, which could subtly affect who you desire to date.” On the other hand, your lack of contact with them could leave you with some relational deficits — especially if there was little communication within your family, even when you still lived at home. “You may never have learned how to appropriately attach to others or work through conflict in a healthy, productive way,” advises Dr. Anderson. “Also, psychologists who study families assert that if you’re cut off from your family of origin, aspects of your development will stagnate. So if you haven’t spoken to your family since you were 18, part of you remains ‘stuck’ at age 18.”
How to deal with it: It’s not fair, but people don’t choose their families — and some are dealt a doozy of a hand trying to deal with it. “Still, trying to stuff your dysfunctional family into a past that you’d rather ignore is a recipe for allowing your family’s lack of health to continue to plague you in the future,” says Dr. Anderson. “And remember, even if you’re able to successfully meet and marry someone, you’re likely to bring that untouched pathology into your marriage, thereby repeating the very patterns you’d hoped to leave behind.” This may be another case where professional help is truly the best course of action for you to take. Don’t let your family’s dysfunction ruin your chance at finding a happy, healthy, everlasting love, because in the end, it’s your relationship that matters most!