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    FUTUREDVLDWG   5,331
4,000-5,499 SparkPoints

Sick of this mess...

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

This photo was taken yesterday. I usually refuse to put a photo of myself up because I am so much bigger than I ever wanted to be. I decided if I put it out there in a "safe" place where I won't be judged because everyone looking at it has either been there/is there or understands. So here it is...

The lovely guy in the picture with me is my cousin Brandon. He is 5-6 years younger than me. He is hard core into fitness. I love him to death! We are closer than any of my other cousins.

Anyway, I look at that photo, and I just see me being three times his size. I am really just so sick of seeing photos of myself knowing that I did this to myself! I have to go out in public and risk seeing people I knew when I was 110 lbs when I graduated high school. That is honestly my biggest daily fear. I try to avoid them if I see them first. If I accidentally make eye contact and can't just nod or wave and I am forced into a conversation I really don't hear what they are saying, I am too busy wondering what they are thinking. Are they thinking, "Gah, she got fat!", or "What happened to her?" I know that when I get smaller and healthier the mental aspect of it will get easier, but it is a major obstacle that I battle each time I walk out of my front door.

I just wanted to get all of that out.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
MJ7DM33 12/20/2012 7:21PM


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FUZZIEBEAR3 12/19/2012 12:16PM

    You just took the first step. Now realize what you want, and commit to it. Every step will get you closer. emoticon

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WINACHST 12/19/2012 10:47AM

    My journey started the day I out grew my size 16 (vanity size) jeans. It took me a while but patience and consistency paid off. Break your long term goal into smaller short term goals and start checking off the goal met.

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JANEMAR2 12/19/2012 10:32AM

    Small steps make big changes.


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NUTRON3 12/19/2012 9:05AM

    Take it one day at a time....

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LIFEISPURRFECT 12/19/2012 8:03AM

    Always remember that you are a beautiful person no matter what size. Stand tall and confident.

The people that matter don't care what you look like and the people that care what you look like don't matter!

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KARYNWHO 12/19/2012 6:58AM

    For many of us, the journey starts with a photo... I know my journey did. I couldn't believe how big I had gotten when I saw a picture of myself; and if you look through some of the success stories, you read that exact same thing in almost every story.

So congratulations, you have taken the first step towards a new, healthy you! It's a long journey, but it can be fun if you remember to play and treat yourself well.

emoticon emoticon

"Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway." - Earl Nightingale

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GARDENCHRIS 12/19/2012 6:41AM

    one step at a time.... maybe your cousin can help you get started!

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LOPEYP 12/19/2012 5:41AM

    It's all about making small changes that will snow ball into big ones. Maybe you can enlist the advise/help of your cousin to come up with a fitness plan that is doable for you.
Don't worry about the past - it is done. Concentrate on the future!

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ANNEMARGAR 12/19/2012 5:37AM

    You can do it!! Read the Spark book - it offers great suggestions on how to get started. Start with small steps so that you can keep it up and continue every day. This is a lifestyle change - you have made the first step!!! You can do it!!!

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JANTWO 12/19/2012 12:43AM

    You can win the battle. Believe in yourself now. Love yourself now. emoticon

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KATRINAKRAUT 12/18/2012 11:27PM

    I hear you but my weight has been gained in the past 7 years and when people see me I know they are wondering, "what happened to her?". But rather than hiding I am pushing myself to dress better and then I feel better and then I want to take better care of myself.

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