For the most part, I'm in a really good place right now. I picture myself wrapped up in a warm cocoon that I don't want to leave. All my chicks are home from college, DH is happy, I'm on vacation through the end of the year, my dad is happy & stable in his asst'd living apt, no drama from my brothers, sister and/or inlaws
I'm following my eating/drinking plan for the most part, walking a bit and reading/commenting on SP every day. Pounds are coming off one by one.
but I'm not obsessing.
So what's the rub??? I have this sneaky fear in the pit of my stomach
(WHY is it ALWAYS MY STOMACH???!) Like things are going too good and something bad will happen to pop my bubble of serenity.
I don't want to pay my bills cuz I don't want to think about worrysome things. I don't want to watch the news cuz I can't wrap my mind around all the tragedy and horrible things happening now. I don't want to call my cousins to console them about my favorite aunt's passing......
Usually I am the 'go-to' / 'fix it' person in my family and circle of friends. I know I will get back to that role at some point soon, but for right now, I just want to 'BE'. I want to know how my friends on SP are doing (both good and not so good). I guess it's my way of processing the changes in my body and life. I can relate to what everyone here is going thru. I SOOOO APPRECIATE everyone's comments, posts and blogs!!!!!
My family and others say 'You look good!' and then go on their merry way (as they should). But I am the one living this new lifestyle moment by moment. Planning healthy foods, making sure I'm eating/drinking on time and getting my meds, vitamins and supplements. Making time for activities. Making sure I don't eat too fast or too much. It is a full time job for me right now-
The results are surprising me and are boggling my mind a bit.
I haven't seen the scale stop at these numbers for at least 20 years.!
Last weekend, I took my middle daughter to Kohl's to get jeans for Christmas. I tried on a pair of gray sparkly Jennifer Lopez jeans size 20. I fully expected them to be too small as I was a skin-tight 24 not so long ago. THEY WERE BAGGY!!
I then tried on a pair of size 20 Lee Riders (my fav!). Still too big. Ok, really??? Then I put on a size 18w and they FIT LIKE A GLOVE!!! Since my Chic size 24's were bagging off my rear, I decided to get them.
My eyes see my new body, but my mind isn't there yet! I keep catching my reflection in windows and mirrors but can't quite accept that it's me.
I'm just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other.....