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Late Nite Funnies...

Monday, December 17, 2012

Late Night Funny #1

According to a new poll, most Americans think Santa Claus is a Democrat – which is really odd because when I think of a fat, old white man who hires unskilled labor, I think Republican.
-Conan O'Brien

Late Night Funny #2

The fact of the matter is Santa isn’t a Democrat or a Republican. In fact, Santa isn’t even an American. I have news for you. The real Santa is Chinese. You think elves are the ones making that plastic crap we give our kids? No. Chinese people are. -Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #3

Yesterday, Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper signed an amendment that officially legalized marijuana in the state. Stoners took a moment to thank Governor Hickenlooper — then they spent a few hours just saying the word ‘Hickenlooper.’ -Jimmy Fallon

Late Night Funny #4

A close friend of mine said his doctor gave him less than two weeks to live. But it turns out his doctor’s a Mayan. He says that to everybody. -Jay Leno

"Yesterday, the Senate floor was reserved for farewell speeches from retiring senators. Each senator received a fitting gift: a gold watch that stopped working years ago." -Jimmy Fallon

"The Army has started kicking out overweight soldiers, and they're refusing to admit recruits that are obese. That shows you how times have changed. Back in the '60s, you had to go to Canada to stay out of the Army. Now, you just have to go to McDonald's." -Jay Leno

"Steven Spielberg's movie 'Lincoln' had the most nominations of any film this year. Seven. 'Lincoln' was nominated for best picture, best director, best beard without a mustache, and furriest top hat." -Jimmy Kimmel

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