I'm sitting here at work, on a Monday, listening to my iPod & Sparking. I would really like to be home wrapping my Christmas gifts and cleaning my house for the holiday.

This past weekend was a whirl-wind of emotions. The tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary affected me emotionally the same way as 911. Friday night was full of tears for all those lives lost and their families. Saturday was anger, how could any human being do something this evil and why was a person with a mental disorder allowed access to guns. Sunday was more tears as personal information was released about the victims. The healing process for something so tragic is beyond my comprehension. Too many of these types of attacks are happening at the cost of losing innocent loved ones, and frankly, I'm litterally sick from it. My entire weekend was consumed with the media reports about Sandy Hook. I'm so scared that my family is going to be next. I can feel my body moving into panic and anxiety levels that are just hanging by a string with the help of my medication. I actually feel guilty being happy right now when I know so many parents are suffering during this holiday season, a time when they should be looking at twinkling lights and beautifully wrapped gifts with their children. Talking about Santa and listening for sleigh bells. It saddens me so much. And, I feel so thankful that my children are here and I can give them hugs everyday.

My nutrition over the weekend was sparatic, calories were way below the lower end of my limit, and my fitness was zero to very little. I'm thinking to bring myself out of this sadness, I will need to focus on medition and exercise. I'm sure staying away from the media reports will help me as well. Not that I can or want to forget about the awful evil in our world, but I tend to get obsessive about protecting my family and it can consume my daily life, which is not healthy. So, knowing that I need to stay healthy for my children, I need to move forward.