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limping along - just a ramble

Monday, December 17, 2012

I'm back up to 167 which is such a bummer. What is it with me and the self-sabotage? Its like as soon as I saw 165 on the scale, I fell to pieces. I think its the time of year though too. Just that inherent tendency we all have in the winter to eat a lot and move very little. I just havent felt like doing anything. Its cold and dreary. work has been draining. my grandfather sent 3 dozen of my favorite cookies ever (all gone already btw). I know that last year i had similar issues this time of year. On one hand, i want to just give myself a pass to blow it all off until whenever the motivation strikes again. I know ive got a lot more work to do but I'm not unhappy with the way i look. The problem is I am not a middle of the road kind of girl. I don't know how to ease up the pressure without just completely derailing and eating every cookie in sight. And I don't want to gain back the weight that I've lost.

And i just don't like the choices I've been making. Too much processed stuff. I've gotten away from the main reason i finally started making changes - i couldn't consciously keep putting crap in my body and supporting the corrupt food industry in this country. And I felt so good about myself when i was making that stand. But the tighter money gets and the busier we get, the more allowances I make and the more I beat myself up about it. I dont know what the anwser is. We're still broke and busy. And my kids go to a daycare which is of a lower quality than i like - because we are too broke to do better. But they get all kinds of junk there - including non organic milk which makes me crazy. All those hormones and other horrors!

Its all really overwhelming me right now but i just cant do everything.

Anyway, I think my plan right now is just to track and try to stay in range. that might be all i can manage for now. if i feel like exercising, fabulous. if not, im not going to condemn myself for it - just yet. I really hope that if nothing else, ill feel some motivational spark when new years rolls around. until then, im gonna try to make good choices and keep looking to sparkpeople to help me stay with it. I am so so so so so impressed by anyone who can consistently stay on track. Thats miraculous as far as I'm concerned. I just cant figure out what the secret is. I can do great for a few day and then i just go nuts. I just have to remember how hopeless i felt at the beginning of all this. And now, I'm smaller than i was in my wedding pictures. I have made progress. I'm not there yet but I'm not giving up.
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  • MONGIE09
    Thanks for your comment on my blog!! As far as running goes, if I were you I'd sign up for a 5K regardless of your speed. Running is the kind of "sport" where YOU are the only one in control. I'll never "win" a 5K in the terms that I'll never be the first one to cross the finish line--I'll just never run 3 miles in under 20 minutes, never gonna happen. But everytime I run a race, I still let myself WIN. Finishing a race is winning. Sign up!! Do it for yourself! It doesn't matter how long it takes you. My first 5K took me 45 minutes and I had bloody heels at the finish line. I was a mess!

    Running is also a great form of exercise when you're short on cash. I just got a new job (yay!), but the past 2 years I've been pretty strapped because of low income. But because running is my primary form of exercise, I cancelled my gym membership. I buy running clothes and shoes when they're on sale. I think I've only spent about $100 in the past year on running clothes! Which is pretty good because in the winter you need the tights, the long-sleeved tech shirts, etc.

    And always remember, to be a "runner" you don't HAVE to run marathons or even 5K's. Races are just great motivators. If you have ever gone outside and ran, you are a runner! :-)

    Lastly, please go easy on yourself during the holidays!! Weight fluctuates by about 5 pounds due to hydration, hormones, diet, etc. Make sure you are getting TONS of fluids!! Which I am currently doing because I got sick. :-( Don't get sick. It's the worst when all you want to do is work out and all you can do is sit on the couch, sniffling.

    You're doing great!!! Keep up your awesome work. :-)
    1763 days ago
  • BRADMILL2922
    Really focus on how far you have come so far! You have made some great progress since you have started! I know it is easier said than done but try not to beat yourself up to much because that won't get you anywhere. I have always been bad about that sort of thing myself and is something I have to work on all the time. Stress and pressure from work, the holidays, money, and everything else can really add up. Try to stay focused and keep your chin up!
    1764 days ago
    Hoo boy, I can relate to this! I've got the winter humdrums too. I am not proud of myself for losing my motivation, but what I've decided is this: I've made incredible progress and am thinner this winter than I've been in at least 5 years. While I'm not consciously going to give myself a pass, I will be satisfied if I can maintain until the warm weather hits again. It's not ideal, and it's not the outcome I would love, but we have to do what we can do sometimes!
    1765 days ago
    Just remember not to aim for PERFECTION but for PERSISTENCE !! this will serve you better in the long run ! You have done great and look how far you have come and be glad and pat yourself on the back for that and we cannot all be superwoman this time of year with all the extra shopping, wrappin,, cooking, and lets not forget party going !!
    1766 days ago
    Don't worry, we all fall off track (I'm getting back on now myself). The key is to not let yourself go completely. Remember all of the facts you DO know about how to eat and exercise, and just focus on small things. Did you eat crappy for breakfast like I did yesterday? Well I made it up with lunch and dinner so I didn't ruin my whoooole day.

    You can do it!
    1767 days ago
    Well I believe you have to be a super woman to stay on track. Sometimes your mind, body and soul needs to rebel a little. The key is not to feel to guilty and get back on the wagon. Always get back on the wagon. Because if you stray too long then it will be more difficult. Good luck, I know you can do it ! Think about this season as well, it is tough to stay focused. With the busy shopping, running around, stressing about the holidays. But we can do it !!!
    emoticon emoticon
    1767 days ago
    I ate WAY too much yesterday!! I didn't track and then I was putting it all in this morning to find I WAAAAY went over. Like ate like a man, went over. WE CAN DO THIS THOUGH! We can! We HAVE to!! We'll get there!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1767 days ago
    Thanks for the comment on my blog! I found myself over here and what you wrote sounds a lot like what I deal with at this time of year. It's tough to resist the holiday treats, especially in the face of gloomy weather.

    I've been maintaining some weight loss for three years and what helps me this time of year is when I do eat crap, I exercise more, even if it's just walking. Sometimes walking is all I can do, I feel so bloated. At Thanksgiving, I dragged my sister for a brisk walk around my cousin's house, just so I could feel a little better before diving into dessert. Once you start losing willpower, it's harder to get back on the wagon.

    Good luck! You've come a long way, keep it up!
    1768 days ago
    oh well, you are not perfect LOL None of us are LOL

    Just look at how far you have come and celebrate and then get back up and dust yourself off and get back on the health band wagon emoticon emoticon
    1768 days ago
    You should be so proud of what you've accomplished!! emoticon
    1768 days ago
  • JR0124
    You should be incredibly proud of how far you've come. I'd focus on one or two things instead of trying to get everything perfect for now while you are busy and then maybe pick back up in the new year. It is a crazy time of year and feels like everything takes a bit longer to do. Traffic is worse, lines are worse so everything is really slow. Relax but don't give you up on yourself!

    And I'm just going to leave this here in case you've forgotten....

    -get under 200lbs
    DONE 6/21/11
    DONE 2/11/12
    -get wedding rings back on
    DONE 3/5/12
    -165 (50lbs lost my halfway goal)
    DONE 12/4/12
    1768 days ago
  • LMH1223
    You've come so far, I know you can do this!! Just being aware of what you are eating and tracking during this time is going to be helpful! It's a hard time of the year to stay on track.....I'm having a hard time myself. I just want to stay indoors and eat comfort foods, I'm struggling with getting my butt out the door and to the gym. Keep doing what your doing, you'll get there!!
    1768 days ago
    emoticon You've almost made it through the HARDEST months of the year to stay on track. emoticon You've come so far and you should be so proud of yourself. Things will get easier soon. Progress not perfection! You've got this!
    1768 days ago
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