Monday, December 17, 2012
I'm back up to 167 which is such a bummer. What is it with me and the self-sabotage? Its like as soon as I saw 165 on the scale, I fell to pieces. I think its the time of year though too. Just that inherent tendency we all have in the winter to eat a lot and move very little. I just havent felt like doing anything. Its cold and dreary. work has been draining. my grandfather sent 3 dozen of my favorite cookies ever (all gone already btw). I know that last year i had similar issues this time of year. On one hand, i want to just give myself a pass to blow it all off until whenever the motivation strikes again. I know ive got a lot more work to do but I'm not unhappy with the way i look. The problem is I am not a middle of the road kind of girl. I don't know how to ease up the pressure without just completely derailing and eating every cookie in sight. And I don't want to gain back the weight that I've lost.
And i just don't like the choices I've been making. Too much processed stuff. I've gotten away from the main reason i finally started making changes - i couldn't consciously keep putting crap in my body and supporting the corrupt food industry in this country. And I felt so good about myself when i was making that stand. But the tighter money gets and the busier we get, the more allowances I make and the more I beat myself up about it. I dont know what the anwser is. We're still broke and busy. And my kids go to a daycare which is of a lower quality than i like - because we are too broke to do better. But they get all kinds of junk there - including non organic milk which makes me crazy. All those hormones and other horrors!
Its all really overwhelming me right now but i just cant do everything.
Anyway, I think my plan right now is just to track and try to stay in range. that might be all i can manage for now. if i feel like exercising, fabulous. if not, im not going to condemn myself for it - just yet. I really hope that if nothing else, ill feel some motivational spark when new years rolls around. until then, im gonna try to make good choices and keep looking to sparkpeople to help me stay with it. I am so so so so so impressed by anyone who can consistently stay on track. Thats miraculous as far as I'm concerned. I just cant figure out what the secret is. I can do great for a few day and then i just go nuts. I just have to remember how hopeless i felt at the beginning of all this. And now, I'm smaller than i was in my wedding pictures. I have made progress. I'm not there yet but I'm not giving up.