Monday, December 17, 2012
So, I've had a busy month.
My 2012 New Year's Resolution was to finally run a 5k. By the end of January I already was running 3 miles several times a week for fun, so to push myself, I signed up for the Tough Mudder obstacle course instead of a regular 5k. I trained for several months, running up to 6-7 miles in a day, and then trying to run the fitness trails so I could alternate running with a strength exercise. Amazingly, two weeks ago I drove down to Sarasota and survived Tough Mudder. In my training, I never ran more than 7 miles at a stretch, but on the event day I managed to run the first 10 miles, stopping only to complete the obstacles...and I successfully completed every obstacle but one (greased Monkey Bars that go over ice-water...I fell in at the 2nd bar)...
...Even two days before the event I wasn't sure I'd be able to complete Tough Mudder, so you can imagine that this sort of thing wasn't even in the realm of possibilities when I started my fitness journey almost 5 years ago. So for this, I am proud.
There are things I'm less proud of, though, and so are fit for my 2013 Resolutions (although why not get a head-start, right?). Regardless of my training and my fairly strict eating habits [1200-1500 calories daily, with 1-2 days/week of light splurging of an extra 200 calories or so], the number on the scale has not changed. The numbers on my tape measure have not changed. The size of my bras, shirts, and pants have all not changed. It's been two years now since any progress has been made, and the remaining weight is all in my problem areas- my tummy and my upper back. This has caused me to feel like a failure in many way, but most importantly, it has caused me to remain as disgusted with my reflection in the mirror as I was 5 years ago, and as anxious in social settings as I was 5 years ago. I am obsessed with my problem areas, to the point where it is impacting my social life and my emotional health. I cried for an hour a few months ago after seeing an unflattering picture of myself on facebook, and several days a week I spend 45 minutes trying to get ready because I am disgusted with how I 'fat' I look in every outfit I try on. Family and friends reassure me that I don't look to them the way I think I look, and that I look healthy.
So, my next steps are to try to continue my weight loss journey, shake things up a bit with some new work outs and recipes, but try to learn to accept my body and love myself, and realize that I am a beautiful person, regardless of if I ever hit that dream number on the scale.
Wish me luck. xo