Sunday, December 16, 2012
The fat lady was given some advice from the tight- toned lady from the gym. She contemplates how to go about strength training without looking like an complete idiot. She buys a small dumbbell weight set. She makes the mistake that most beginners make that leads her down a path that many have traveled.
The first day she does not give herself a proper warm up or use the bar without weights to make sure her form was correct. She figures that any idiot can strength train. How hard can it be to lift something. She loads twenty pounds on the two dumbbell bars and starts to lift. She is having some difficulty,but figures it is because it is something she is not used to doing. She does 3 set of ten reps. She is a sweaty mess. She does not stretch. She takes a shower ,eats dinner and goes to bed. She has many task to do the next day.
" Aww, sss, ummm! ow !ow! ow! " She groans as she tries to raise her arm to wipe the sleep from her eyes.
" What the heck is going on? I hurt all over." She feels pain in her forearms,upper arm, abdominal area,back and shoulders. Heck she even feels it in her legs and she did not do any work to them. She tries to ponder what she has done to herself. She grabs her cellphone and calls her friend Reality Check.
Reality Check who never seems to sleep and always has the answers to any question The fat lady ask.
" Before you even ask. I will tell you what the problem is. You did not prepare your body for the rigors of strength training. It is something you have not done before,so you should of done more research. Lifting weights that you are not used to,you needed to go lighter and work your way up. You needed to stretch the muscles when you finished ,but you were too tired and now you are paying the price. It takes time to get to the level of that tight toned little vixen you met at the gym." ( a vision of the tight toned woman brings a smile to his lips,it abruptly leaves as he know how volatile the fat lady can be.)
Reality Check waits to hear the dial tone as he knows she will hang the phone up on him. He hears sobbing. He does not respond as it is not in his nature to do so. He knows what is going to happen next and prepares himself to bring over a bucket of Bob's Big Butt chicken wings for her to drown her sorrows in.
"Are you alright? I can come over."
The fat lady controlling her sobs,"No!" and hangs up the phone.
Four months have passed since the fat lady gave up on getting herself healthy.That's right she quit.Well let's see what she has been up to in these last four months. The weight she lost ,well it all came back, plus ten additional pounds. She has not been feeling well and has a doctor's visit scheduled. She looks at the over flowing trash receptacle. It is filled with pizza crust,chicken bones,ice cream containers,Snicker wrappers,soda and wine cooler bottles.
She is in the doctor's office where she is having trouble fitting into the largest gown they offer. She is unable to tie the back and she sits on the exam table. She is here to get results from blood work and be re-checked. She was scolded by the doctor about the condition of her body and health. He comes into the room.( we will give them some privacy)
Sometime later,the fat lady comes into the waiting room where her friend Reality Check is waiting for her. He is dressed in a flashy blue suit with a electric blue and orange stripped tie. She sits quietly next to him. He does not say a word as he hands her the blue silk handkerchief from the breast pocket of his suit. She sobs into it uncontrollably. She wails now. She blows her nose into the silky handkerchief and attempts to hand it back to Reality Check. He tries to pinch his thumb and index finger to retrieve it. He thinks better of the situation and tell her he has plenty of handkerchiefs as he deposits it into the trash receptacle.
The fat lady is now a type-2 Diabetic.Her overall health is not good. She was told that she was digging her grave with a spoon and fork,instead of a shovel.
Not heeding her doctor's orders,the fat lady is wedged in a booth in a bar. She has had her third shot of Tequila. She is feeling sorry for herself.As she tips the shotglass to her lips she sees Reality Check from the corner of her eye.She bites into the lime and tells him that at least she is having some fruit with her meal of alcoholic beverages. She drunkenly laughs.
" So this is how I told you it would end.Complete failure. All that hard work thrown away. I told you that you could not do this. You are not cut out for something like this. You are not tough enough."
Reality Check touches her shoulder. The fat lady bristles like a porcupine. He removes his hand quickly,like he was pricked by a quill.
" You know you should not drink alcohol when you are depressed or upset. That is how most alcoholics are born. When things get tough they relay on this crutch to get them through."
The fat lady leaves the bar and goes home to sleep off her drunkenness.
Well we will skip the morning hang over. It was bad. She receives a phone call from the gym that she was a former member of. They have some items that she left. Since she is no longer a member she needs to come retrieve them.
The fat lady hurriedly runs past the tight toned lady. Avoiding the odd conversation of her returning to her fatness. The disappointment she will see in her eyes.
She sees a heavy set man attempting a crunch. He is breathing heavily. He farts as he crunches. He does not hear it as he is wearing headphones. The fat lady laughs as it brings back memories of her first Yoga class.He removes his headphones as he tries to sit up. The fat lady pinches her nose and tell him to keep trying. She feels like a hypocrite telling him this. He apologizes for his flatulence,embarrassed introduces himself as LaVell. She tells him he should go out and have fun. The life style he is trying to achieve is too hard and not worth it. He tells her his story of all his illnesses and health problems.
" You know what they say,It not over until the fat lady sings." LaVell says.
The fat lady looks at him with disbelief. " Really, what the heck does that mean? That is a load of crap. I am sooo tired of hearing this."
LaVell wipes the sweat from his bald head.( my head is bald by choice,not denial of hair growth coming back on top,lol.)
" The fat lady is hope. She means that even against all odds ,you still have a chance. It is not over. She represents to not give up until it is all over. I believe I can and so should you."
The fat lady finally has her" Ah-ha"! moment. She never knew what she meant. She does her job,but never thought what it represented. The light has finally come on.
Tune in next time as the fat lady returns to form with a vengeance. She finally finishes the Super Bowl she left on hold. The song she sings. Same bat time,same bat channel.