Saturday, December 15, 2012
In attempting to ground myself for this challenge - that is, settling into routine, focusing on my goals, working out strategies for coping with the holidays - I realised just how OUT of focus I had been. I had my son's birthday to deal with, and Christmas, and and and...by yesterday morning I was a teary, tight-shouldered, brain-scattered crabby mess.
Today I knew I needed to write this post. It's like an initiating ritual - the one thing that grounds me, gives me understanding of where I'm going, and why, and who with, and who for. In writing this post I change direction and start being *intentional* again. It defines and sculpts my goals. Gives me boundaries I know I can live within. It is truly a ritual.
Okay, so my goals for this challenge are...
1. lose 20 pounds (last challenge 16)
2. No binges - not ONE BINGE
3. Strategise Christmas and party eating clearly, and follow it.
4. 300 mins plus cardio per week.
5. 80 mins plus strength work per week.
6. By the end of week 8 I shall be running with my son (riding bike) 4 times per week.
7. Do EVERYTHING my Lemon Leaders tell me to.
Most of this is straight forward. Committment plus Routine equals Consistency equals Attainment.
But I realised yesterday that I need to define what Binging means for ME. It may not mean the same for everyone and that's fine. I'll leave you alone and support you with your definition. You leave me alone and support me with mine.
Binging for some is an all out gorge in a specific and small time frame. This can be true for me too, but most often not. But for the purposes of this goal I need to be specific to my own eating behaviours. I am certainly not talking about eating a few extra things over christmas dinner, that cross the calorie limit and make me feel full and regretful.
For me I am talking about eating ON IMPULSE over a sustained period of time. I am talking about eating when the IMPULSE says 'I want that'. I am talking about being stressed and grabbing anything in sight. I am talking about being tired and restless and banging kitchen cupboards and settling on ANYTHING that will fill my mouth. Most importantly, I am talking about doing these things simultaneously in a given day - mindlessly eating and eating and eating. It is also eating to the point where I 'need' to throw up. I am a compulsive binger, but it might take me a whole day to quadruple (or more) the food-fuel needs I actually need, through grazing - not to mention the TYPES and amounts of food that go into my mouth.
Binging for me is acting on impulse over an extended given period, without mindful consideration of time, feelings, sensation, portion size, and type (of food).
This being said. My commitment not to binge AT ALL over this challenge is a big one and involves layers of smaller issues to consider - learning to be more mindful, more intentional over a day's meal plan, growing skills of being in touch with my instincts, observance of feelings and the situations that trigger them, strategies of managing 'temptations', strategies of managing stress, and most of all, remembering I am in charge, not my impulses...watching them flow through me without me following them. Letting them go... Learning how to manage the psychological and emotional fallout from NOT binging.
Learning what the next right thing is, in my life, and doing it. Trusting myself.
That said, I am off to wash some dishes.