December has not been kind
Saturday, December 15, 2012
For that matter neither was November. It shows how easy I can jump down the rosey path of self indulgence and lack of exercise!
It started with the weather change and the fact I am now babysitting my grand kids several days a week. found lots of excuses not to get out and walk, been getting better about that or finding alternate indoor exercise (cardio dancing, stair stepper etc) but no where close to the shape I was in this summer. I feel it not only physically but the emotional stability I get from exercising regularly.
Then November came and my daughter was seriously ill and in the hospital for seven days, two of which in ICU and I have full time charge of both her medical situation (doctors here have never treated our rare disease) and her then 2 month old daughter (baby's father no where to be found) Stress lead to stress eatting, lack of sleeping or worse failing to eat at all. I ended the month of November better than expected but still not where I wanted to be.
Then came December. Trying to squeeze out holiday money, juggling child care responsiblitys and my own health. Developed an abscess along the way in the tooth that already had to have a root canal and crown, ended up getting it pulled. Was thrilled when I lost a lb that week (lol) However I have watched my weight creep all week and I know that tomorrow when I weigh I won't like what I see.
This week had added stress for me as you see I work in an elementary school. Its a volunteer job two days a week but I am the volunteer coordinator for a reading program and coordinate 35 volunteers who come in every week and read with students. We read in an open area right inside the main entrance of the school. I have ran over in my mind all sorts of what if's in the last day and am upset to no end about what I have seen as I spent way too many hours looking at the horror that happened in Connecticut. I think about the classrooms I am in every day and I am brought to tears every time. I think about where will I take my volunteers and students. We have a plan, we have even practiced it. But the truth is we would be sitting ducks. as we are the first thing people coming in the school see.
Tuesday I will go in and I will come armed with the paper on dealing with kids questions our local school district put out. I will make copies and calm my volunteer's fears as best I can. I suppose it would be easier to say it would never happen here, cept you see we live in Oregon where just two days before it did happen only in a Mall. And we live in Southern Oregon where there are enough people with guns to well scare the crap outta me.
So I will calm them and come home and have a good cry and tell my kids its okay to send my grandkids to school, but it will never feel as safe as it once did.
So yeah I am gonna gain weight this month. However, that will not define me. Over the last year since I began in earnest to get my Chit together I have lost near 30 lbs. God willing I will lose another 30 next year. I will not give up the fight, even if I take a break this month and enjoy some chocolate!