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    TRACIE-C   5,358
4,000-5,499 SparkPoints

frustrating 'support'

Saturday, December 15, 2012

many times on our evening power walk we make good use of our time out and about and pick up groceries from the market.
this week walking home from the market in the snow and wind about 1.5 miles (2.5k) from home my husband carrying a bag of groceries and i with a kilo (2.2lbs) of tangerines... he kept telling me he would carry my bag also.
i insisted i wanted to carry it.

finally after the 3rd time he offered.....
i mentioned that 5 weeks earlier i had been carrying around nearly the equivalent weight of 5 bags of tangerines ALL THE TIME!

he said... are you trying to tell me you have lost almost 5 kilos?... honey that's 10 lbs?!
i was so excited i said YES! i have lost 10 pounds!

it was the first time i had said anything to him about my weight loss.
he knew i had been cooking different things and snacking different and passing up on dessert and holiday treats but we really hadn't had a real conversation about it.
he's been traveling a lot in the last 6 weeks and quite distracted with work so hasn't been noticing the details of the day to day things i have had going on.
i cook he eats.

as i began talking about the last 5 weeks he seemed really supportive and started asking me questions like what my total goal was. how many calories i eat a day, etc.

i told him i had about 10 more lbs to go... and the reaction was... great 10 more and then WE can have some good pasta meals again and cake and... and...and....

i began to explain how miserable i had been with my weight gain over the last year.
the shame. the depression of it all.
that once i hit my goal i still need to be be careful what i eat.
explained the metabolism rate of a middle aged woman and how hard i had to work to shed just the 10 lbs.
explained i have got back into eating healthy food and portions and had been retraining myself to eat healthy like i used i don't end up back in the same place as i was 5 weeks earlier and how the last year of habits has got me into this mess in the first place.

i was fighting back my tears. every point i tried to make, he had one that seemed dismissive of my reasoning.
it was soooo frustrating.

the conversation that started with my excitement of reaching a 10 lb goal and how good i had been feeling, my energy level, joints, flexibility, aches and pains and over all healthiness...

in the end i was so pissy and frustrated.
the conversation ended with me saying.....
never mind, i wish i wouldn't have mentioned anything. i'm sorry you are feeling deprived of starchy fatty sugary food... i have offered you alternative foods every day in addition to what i made. but i just can't go back to eating heavy foods and sugar like before it's how i've gotten myself so off track and in this situation to begin with.

his reaction.. i don't know why you're upset with me, i didn't say anything that wasn't supportive.

yes dear, that was wonderfully supportive. thank you.
shhhhheshhhh. madness.

how do you deal with those that just don't get it?

healthy wishes to all. xx tracie

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
AQUIETPLACE 1/9/2013 3:11AM

    Hi Tracie, I can completely sympathise with this story, and I agree with the person who said, one minute your husband will be supportive and then next day he says something horribly unhelpful. Fortunately my husband has not complained about the lack of creamed soup casseroles now that I have stopped making them. I also use the low-fat recipes of casseroles and sauces like Satchmo-99 said. My husband and kids also don't notice. As for the lack of support, I have given up expecting it from anyone at home. Then when you get a little it is a nice surprise. Otherwise Sparkpeople is a great place to come. You have done such a great job, already losing ten pounds! You are half-way there. Keep it up. emoticon

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TRACIE-C 12/16/2012 1:00PM

    thank you to everyone for taking the time to read my blog and for the encouragement!
spark people is THE BEST!
xx tracie

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HEALTHIERKEN 12/15/2012 11:40AM

    You're on the right track, he's on the wrong track. Sorry you had to experience that anti-support : (

Keep up the good work. You'll be glad you did : )


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RG_DFW 12/15/2012 10:13AM

    Sorry, most people mean well but just don't "think" about what comes out

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RUNNING-TURTLE 12/15/2012 8:04AM

    Not much you can do with those types of comments from the man you love. Mine will be supportive at one minute, then say the wrong thing the next and act like he don't know what I'm talking about. But I guess men and women are definitely wired differently. You keep going for your goal, maybe he'll see the healthier side isn't such a bad idea after all. Wishing you lots of luck.

emoticon emoticon

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GHOSTFLAMES 12/15/2012 6:13AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SATCHMO99 12/15/2012 5:59AM

    So sorry to hear how the conversation turned out, after a great start. No, it was NOT supportive Mr C. However, Tracie, well done on your current loss, which is great, and good luck for the remainder.

In terms of Mr C, it would be interesting to know if he's dropped any lbs?

In terms of "after" you've dropped the remaining lbs, I'd carry on with the healthy choices, and perhaps have a treat day when you serve up a pasta and dessert choice, but search the SparkPeople recipes for healthier versions. There are some amazing recipes, and your hubby probably won't even realise he's eating a lower fat dish.

One thing I've found after 8 months of Sparkie eating, I have found my stop button, and even when eating a "normal" meal, I don't find it hard to leave the potatoes, or just have a spoonful of dessert, and stop when I feel full (unheard of before I changed my lifestyle).

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