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In which I get personal and probably a little dull.

Friday, December 14, 2012

So it finally happened. In the past few weeks, I’ve had a day here or there where I went over my calories –eating out, meeting up with people at a restaurant, enjoying beer or wine. I knew that would happen, and I was planning that over time I would be cutting down on those moments and extending my stretches of “on-plan” days from two days, to three, to whole weeks, etc. I find that way of doing things non-threatening and not so scary. Setting hard deadlines and goals usually makes me feel overwhelmed. Then I crash and burn. I’m not particularly fond of this characteristic of myself, but I’m trying to stop judging whether it’s good or bad and just learning to work with it, instead of fight against it.

The past couple of days have been a real test for me though. My relationship had been fairly rocky over the last year and planning for the first holidays since we started having “trouble” is super-stressful. We’re redefining a lot of things and the “givens” – like spending holidays or vacations or going to weddings together – are something that we have to delicately negotiate.

I’m also dealing with a difficult work task. I am not good at this stuff – it’s really pushing me to learn and do something new and different. I’m trying to be positive about it, but it’s also really stressful to be pushed to learn and do new things at work, when I’m ALSO in the middle of finals. And trying to figure out a very amorphous internship. And feeling guilty for not being with my rowing team at a time of year when they could REALLY use me.

I just want something simple right now. I want to have a task, accomplish the task, and move on to the next one. I know eating and working out could provide that for me, and I need to frame them like that. Because last night, I fell back into old patterns. I ate dinner. Then I made a drink. Then I made another drink. Then I had a snack.

It wasn’t “bad” or “terrible” or any other nasty words. I could have done more damage; I could have done less. The worry, for me, is that it was part of the old pattern. Part of the “me” I don’t want to be any more.

So I can choose to think of this as a slip, or a harbinger-of-bad-things-to-com
e, or an excuse to give up on a paltry 2.5 weeks of the type of lifestyle I’d rather have. Or I can choose to stop worrying about it, put it behind me. I need to remember that eating right and working out are good things and positive forces in my life, not something that has to be slogged through to get to the good stuff.

And embrace the idea that stress in my life shouldn’t be a thing I use to disrupt my health habits – that I should cling that much harder to those healthy habits in times like this.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Of course we're all going to stumble in our goals. The key is to keep going. It's unrealistic to expect we must follow an "all or nothing" life style and that one mistake means we let go of everything we Have accomplished. You've accomplished 2.5 weeks of healthy living! GREAT for you!!!!. Now keep going!
    1921 days ago
    Stress should not be an "excuse" but it can be an explination. I think it's very healthy that you recognize it and have chosen a healthy way to look at it. Your healthy habits are here to stay because of that positive attitude!
    1922 days ago
    I'm sorry your having a hard time right now. I know you can do this. I know because i just scrwed this week up. i'm doing better. But like you said i could have down worse but i also could have done better. It is always a work in progress but i know you can do it. emoticon
    1924 days ago
    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so overwhelmed and stressed out right now. Anyone would be in your shoes! It sounds like you know what will help you, you just have to give it the chance to do so. Of course, it's building healthy habits, which is one of the hardest things in life. But you can do it, I'm completely sure!

    Hang in there, with a positive attitude, things will get better soon.


    Hope you have a good, rejuvenating weekend. Sounds like you could use it!

    1924 days ago
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