Friday, December 14, 2012
Social eating is deadly to people like me.
To me it is not ‘just have a bite’ and ‘try this’. It is a gateway to a 3000 calorie binge and a complete destruction of any control I have over what I am eating. I simply cannot nibble around the corners. So I have to bow out, I have to retire from the world of social eating.
I am sorry if you are offended that I am not having a slice of pie, or some of your famous cookies, or if I am not getting a plate of food like the rest of the people. It is just something that I cannot do.
My choice to not eat the food you have prepared or purchased is not an affront to you, it is a feeble attempt of mine to keep myself in control. Every part of my insides is screaming for a taste, a plate, all of it. But I cannot let go, I cannot allow myself ‘just a taste’, ‘just a bite’, because with people like me it does not end there, it cannot end there. Three years ago I lost 100 pounds in three months and it all fell apart because I figured i could have just a taste, I couldn’t, ‘just a taste’ became ‘I’ll eat better tomorrow’.
Then tomorrow that became next week.
Then everything fell apart and I lost everything I had gained.
My knees began to ache constantly
My back struggled in the mornings
I lost the energy to do anything
I had become completely miserable
Finally I have a small part of control again, and I am making progress. But what I cannot afford is a hiccup, a detour. I cannot chance a taste sample of your great effort and skill in the kitchen. I am not willing to sacrifice my future to taste your food.
I am sorry if this offends anyone, but please respect my absolute need to control what I eat.