I have to admit something very embarassing that happened this morning. I'm sure it was just a PMS fit or something, but I put on a pair of jeans this morning that have always fit me just fine. Excitedly, I pulled them on thinking, "Yeah, with all these crazy workouts I have been committed to for the last few weeks, these ought to be falling off soon." What I found was that I had to strain to pull them over my hips and buttoning them was a chore. I flipped out. My eyes immediately filled with tears, and I just sobbed. My hubby asked me what was wrong, and I told him that I'm so tired of being fat! Despite my efforts, my struggles, everything I have done, I keep on this constant variable of 5 pounds between my max weight of 220, and 215. I cannot leave this area no matter what I do. I have been doing this since MAY! 7 months, and NOTHING to show on the outside. I know I have had other victories, but I'm furious that I can't lose this weight. I even find myself becoming so let down when I see other people on spark that have lost 20-40 pounds in that amount of time, and I have lost nothing, but maybe a measly 5 pounds that I usually just gain back. I'm stuck. And, I'm completely depressed about it.
In January 2010, I made a commitment to lose weight. And lose weight I did. From January to April 2010, I lost 32 pounds. The ONLY thing I was doing back then was going to the gym and it was simply to impress my husband when we were first dating. And I didn't even work out as hard as I have this year, and I was smoking and eating unhealthy crap! So this is the way I see it today:
2010-- for four months eat junk food, smoke like a train, workout about 3 times a week=lose 32 pounds
2012--for SEVEN months, eat healthy 95% of the time, haven't smoked in nearly a year, workout at least 5 times a week=+-5 pounds. 215-220 forever.
I don't know what else I can do. I'm taking better care of myself now than I ever have. Now that I value my body instead of trash it, it almost seems too late. Is this my punishment? Is it my punishment to be eternally overweight because I spent about 4 years abusing my body with anorexic/bulimic actions? Is it my punishment to stay fat because I smoked like a train for 7 years? Is it my punishment to remain like this because I didn't put goodness into my body and treat it well? But, I lost 32 pounds in 2010....so why now? Why won't the weight come off? What is left to do? I eat right, get cardio/ST, my sleep IS slowly improving. I'm so discouraged friends.