I have lost my mojo and my marbles!! I did not plan on checking in until the end of my night Saturday, but I am hoping that owning up to this NOW will prevent this from happening for a 3rd day in a row. I really need to be in a good state of mind tomorrow because I am spending the day at the Casino with my uncle for his birthday, we are going to a concert. We will be eating dinner there but if I make smart choices I will be fine. But judging how today and yesterday went, I just have been EATING EVERYTHING.
I am going to journal for myself in a little bit to go into more detail, I do not want to ramble on here for pages and pages about why I feel I am out of control, but I will let you all in on some quick tidbits.
: I continuously struggle with self sabotage and being scared of actually reaching my goals. I have been working on this.
: I tend to be an emotional eater, I am not a big eater when I am happy, but when I am down in the dumps food is my comfort. I have been working on this, but I do not always win against the binge monster
, and these last 2 days have been proof of that.
: This is a stupid excuse, and embarrassing to admit, but the weight simply has not been coming off since I started this 1400 calorie December. Not budging in the least. So while I was proud of sticking to my goals, I was upset that I wasn't seeing any rewards. My brother even went on to say maybe I should up calories a little bit. But I am stubborn and I wanted to continue to prove to myself I could do it.
: This is even more embarrassing to admit out loud, and it irritates me that I did that. But yesterday when I went over my 1400 calorie mark, something went off in my brain that hasn't happened in a VERY long time. I said to myself "you already blew it, might as well eat whatever you want." I have plenty of motivational quotes to the tune of "if you break one dish, do you go back and break the rest of the set?", on and on and with the similar meaning. I have been SO good about not doing this, until these past 2 days.
This is getting long and wordy, which is what I was trying to avoid. I will save the rest for my journaling. I refuse to just chalk this up to two bad days and move on. Don't get me wrong, I will not beat myself up for this, I am only human, but I want to UNDERSTAND what is happening and then I will be able to put it behind me and move forward. I know this weight stuff is going to be something I will battle with for the rest of my life, and in order to keep winning this battle I need to understand why I do certain things. I am a work in progress and I will keep working.
I also wanted to post this to be accountable to my Spark Friends. I have had a LOT of people be super sweet to me and congratulate me. A lot of people see 60 pounds lost and see before and after pics, but I wanted to remind everyone that it is not always
's and that I struggle from time to time. I knew my month of December was not going to be spotless with this 1400 calorie December, but I also didn't expect to go so far off the deep end. I will just
1400 Calorie December:
Previous Update was 1-8, all under 1400.
Next check in might end up sooner than expected if I feel I need the accountability! I hope all my Spark Friends are having a better week than I am!