I missed this morning's workout. I was so tired, I slept until it was breakfast time. I don't skip breakfast because when I do, I gain weight. Instead, I'm eating really healthy today. I may need to workout every other day for a while until I get my strength back.
I started the day with almonds, yogurt, and a piece of cheese. I need to pick up some veggies and fruit (not for me.) at the store. I am making a pie for my Mom's work, they are having a holiday party, and I like to do the cooking, it takes some of the stress off my Mom. My internet is still down at my house, my brother will be home tomorrow to fix it. He is our IT man.
Last night I was thinking about my situation. I am living at home. But, even if I were gainfully employed, I don't think I would move away (unless something awful happened.) I would just build another building on the property for me. We have 6 acres. My Mom and Dad are in favor of that. I want to improve my earning power so that I can add more space for me to craft in. I love to craft. It would probably take about 200,000 dollars. I'm about 199,000 short. The house we have is fine, its just too small for 4 adults and 3 home businesses. I also have hobbies that take up space like my 7 foot concert grand piano. I'm not giving that up. My mother has a wonderful collection of Asian antique furniture.
I need to work on understanding business. I need to learn negotiation tactics, I need to join Toast Masters, I need to work on my MS Office skills. I need to learn about the structure of a small business in CA. I do have a license, I have a book keeper, and I have access to people with a lot more experience than I have. What I don't really know is how to structure insurance, an LLC, and how to sequester the business from my personal finances for legal purposes. I haven't been able to move forward with becoming an attr. because I can't afford to go to school right now. Until I have generated some sort of income, that is not an option for me. The job market has gotten worse locally. All the jobs that I might have gotten 5 years ago are being filled with people who are much more qualified than I. I keep thinking that I need to start selling something (I do know there are legal ramifications to that.) but I also know that in this economy, unless you are selling something absolutely critical, that making any kind of sale is unlikely. I worry about investing in another business to not only have it fail, but also to have been out the startup costs.
I don't have experience as a barrista. They won't hire you at Starbucks locally without it. I don't have years of experience in office support. I have some experience. I have some references. But, I've been working in the 'family business' which is considered to be not working at all or worse a lie. Its not a lie, I have thousands of hours of video footage to prove it. I can't get a job in retail, so many retail businesses have gone out of business, that you have highly skilled, referenced, and experienced people 200 people deep applying for every job that comes open.
The thing that I do have going for me, is that my parents have been very supportive. They have been supportive to the point where I feel like a terrible person for taking anything from them at all. They tell me to stop feeling like that, but how do you stop? Where do you go with 'I live with my parents. I can't get a job. I'm nearly 35 years old. I have no current marketable job skills. I'm just a drain on the family.' Sure, I do the house work, cooking, cleaning, scoop the cat poo, water the garden (when needed), drive people to the doctors, laundry, grocery shopping, assist with ADA inspections, and offer moral support when ever I can. That is true. However, I am also sick sometimes. I have to keep my health insurance because even at 700 dollars a month, if I get seriously ill, that would be a lot less than what it took to take care of my cousins through their cancers. I can't run that risk. I've had serious burns (most of my body), insulin resistance (work on it every day), interstitial cystitis (I cured that one myself.) and I deal with endometriosis. Now I'm dealing with a recurrent bacterial infection on my ears (they say it was caused by a bug bite.)
All the crafters that I know are going in the hole. The jewelers I know are in debt. The bakers, food service people are always worked to a frazzle. Painters are always starving in a garret somewhere. My mother suggested 'customer service'. I'm giving it serious thought. There is a customer service certificate at the local junior college, I might give that a try, as I don't have a lot of customer service experience.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I have only myself to blame. I tried a long shot and I lost. Hollyweird didn't work out. The industry has imploded. I yearn for the 'old system' days, before the monopolies were broken up, when studios made and distributed movies. Now, the studios just market and own theaters. Thats where the money is.