Thursday, December 13, 2012
After reading the last biog post I made on here and seeing that I had posted how much in a funk I was, I definitely see a pattern on the way I lose weight. How many of us start out great and can last at least 3 weeks on plan before they start feeling the funk?
So what the hell is wrong with me. I was once a smoker for over 10 years. I started as a teen as most teens do to try and be cool and gave it up a million times. I always said I could quit when I wanted to, its all a state of mind. I did quit when I was pregnant with my first son but made the excuse that I was stressed out being a teen parent and struggling, that I needed that cigarettes so I didn't lose my mind. We have all used that excuse with an addiction..... Wait.....What?
So do I have an addiction to food. I don't think so. I don't think you Can have an addiction to food. But I do think you can have an addiction to a way of life. To the emotional and sentimental bond we attach to cigarettes or food. I continued to smoke for about 10 years after that. I have since quit. So what was the straw that broke the "Camels" back. (as in what I use to smoke) I quit again because I became pregnant with my daughter. I mean, Yes, I was 10 years more mature, but my stress was still there. So why didn't I go back to it? I mean I kind of wanted to. I really wanted to, but why did I want to? I think it was because, plain and simply I liked it. I really liked it. But I didn't like the damage it caused to my lungs, and I know I didn't like the way it made me smell, I wasn't doing it anymore to look cool, because believe it I was kind of ashamed for people to look at me like a horrible person for smoking around my children. And I felt like a horrible person. I think I quit because I realized how much I love my children. I quit because I no longer enjoyed it. I no longer needed to feel like it was the only thing that released my stress. I was no longer addicted because it no longer appealed to me.
I love my children. More than I love myself. I couldn't bare for them to watch me suffer from lung disease or some other horrible life threatening disease. Both my grandmother has COPD and my mother died from it. So I wasn't immune to getting sick. It can happen. I cared more about how it would affect them. And the there was the horrible reality I gave my son asthma. I didn't mean for it. I certainly would have quit long before had I known or realized the dangers. I mean we do sort of know the risks but we are always like, as long as it doesn't affect anyone else then why should anyone care what we do?
So how does this relate to food? I mean its not like our loved ones are affected with second hand food or we are going to get lung cancer from over eating. No... but we can die or become sick from being obese, overweight.
We can die from being thin and in shape too. But the stats are higher if we are unhealthy. So when do I get to the part where I have to see this as it is. This lifestyle IS going to affect my children in the long run. No they can't get second hand food from me, but they can learn my habits. And then in turn, I am basically saying its OK to be lazy and eat what you want and not give a crap about how it affects your body. I am not saying they have to be skinny runway models, but to be healthy and fit is nice. And it helps with their self esteem which in turn may help them make other better decisions in the future.
But finding a new way to live can be hard if you have been so used to living another way in the past. Pouring all your emotions and needs into food. When I quit smoking, I would chew on straws to ignore the craving. I no longer had the addiction, but the need to have something in my mouth to chew on was there. Make sense?
But I can't exactly do that here. When I am craving a peanut butter cup or an italian sub, a celery stick isn't going to do it for me. So what do I do?
I think there HAS to be a balance. I mean I see all these fit people and some are so obsessed with eating healthy they never eat unhealthy, MORE POWER TO THEM! But that's not me. I love food as I did cigarettes and I don't want to feel the need to lose it, but I also need to realize that its not all about fried foods and junk food and soda, that there has to be a balance. I am not one for trying new foods, and I do not eat seafood in any way. But I am going to vow to try at least one new food each week. the other thing I have been wanting to do is give up meat. NOT COMPLETELY! :)I mean a Thanksgiving Turkey is the best. But for the most part yes. Its my own personal opinion, but I'm tired of it. I like eggs and cheese just not a big fan of it anymore. It might just be an age thing. I do however, see a lot of research about how unhealthy meat is and it interests me that some of these cultures that don't eat meat so often have a longer life expectancy. What a great gift I can offer my children.
Well all in short I believe that we have to be able to just make up our minds. We have to just be okay with living a new way. Whatever way we choose. Whats good for one person may not be good for you. When we find our balance and give up on our emotional hold that we have placed on eating. When we realize that we can still have delicious food but not let it control our lives then we can become successful. Its up to us when that happens.