So, I am really freaking out. I just need to get through today and tomorrow and then I will be fine. It's a little bit of a story, so bear with me.
I'm in a sorority, and whenever someone gets engaged, married, has a baby, etc. we do an announcement ceremony. Only one person usually knows who it's for, so it's a big fun surprise.
Last year, I had a friend of mine request one for me. The day of the ceremony, right before it was supposed to happen, I ended up in the hospital and had a miscarriage. I know it's a weird reaction, but I was so seriously embarrassed. My embarrassment overran my grief, I wasn't really feeling sad, I was just feeling bad for everyone else. Like I got everyone hyped up for some big surprise, and then I had to announce some seriously bad news.
So, when I got pregnant this time, I decided I still wanted to do the announcement ceremony. I mean it's not like the ceremony was what CAUSED me to miscarry. And I didn't think it was actually going to bother me so much. I decided to wait until this Friday (a few weeks past when most people announce) because my little sister in the sorority (the girl I helped through the pledging process, for those who are not sorority savvy) is currently going to school in Canada, and this would be the only time she is home. I wanted her to pretty much host the ceremony for me, so she's the one that requested it and everything. I started feeling nervous about everything yesterday, and then this morning at 4 am I was in full panic mode. I don't want a repeat of last year. I don't want to disappoint all those people when they are expecting something exciting to happen. If I miscarried last week, or in a couple weeks from now, I will deal with it, but I just can't go through it the same way again.
I know, I know, there is no sound logic to this what so ever. I know that if I miscarry, it doesn't matter WHEN it happens, it'll still be hard to deal with. I know that the ceremony is not connected to my last miscarriage at all. I know that my sorority sisters were not "disappointed", they were worried about me and were compassionate towards what I was going through. But, it was traumatic and I am just kind of freaking out.
I know in a couple days I will just be "yay! relief!", but I need to get through today and tomorrow to get to that.
So, anyways, here's what's going on in week 15:
-Baby is about the size of an orange
-Can wiggle fingers and toes
-Makes breathing movements by moving amniotic fluid through it's nose and upper respiratory tract
-Can sense light
-Forming taste buds