Wednesday, December 12, 2012
so i have been going thru the kings books, and so many of the kings started off well. solomon, asa, saul even. but they ended sad. they lost their faith in God, or they rebelled. and when the prophets were sent to warn them, they got angry and tried to have them killed...
and how am i different than they are, exactly? what makes me better than them? nothing!! in fact, i see i am just as scary as they are! i think on the first several years i was a Christian, and i think on the different decisions i made, and while i am not trying to live out glory days, and i am not trying to say things were better, i am certainly realizing that i strayed very very far.
now, i am back on track. i am working hard at being where i need to be. i know i have got a ways to go, and there are many balls i dropped that i have to learn to juggle again, and many many disciplines i have to relearn. i got that. i am working with that. but, how to not have the same ending?? how do i not go down that road again?? it was so easy for them to forget God, or take it in their own hands, or ASSUME that that trek they are going is the path God would say!
i get that because that is exactly what i think before i get lost!!! aaahhhhh!!! again and again i say... i don't want to go down the same road solomon, asa, etc went down! where they were headed the right way,and they blew it!
and on a side question: how awful horribly wrong is it to ground your daughter from the phone for the bad attitude?? how much of it is typical 13 year old... junk, and how much of it can we say: "i don't have to stand this, and i won't. you treat me like this, and i get the jollies of taking the phone away???'... too mean? too nice? i know to some this sounds so silly--but i have been down the road of exasperating my kids.. that is not the road i want to go down anymore. and i have nothing but respect for those parents who don't take the kids' mouthiness personally. who let the attitude just bounce off of them. of course, i say that in one breath, but in the next, i think... it's a wonder i have 4 grown kids. and that they made it to adulthood. cuz' i sooooo can't stand the attitude.... and i sooooo can't stand it when i hear kids mouth to other adults... aaaaahhhhh!!!
so let's round it to food. i am inches away from my goal weight. i am almost there. i am so close i can taste it. now how do i hold onto it? and how do i make sure EVERYBODY knows it was NEVER ME... it was ALWAYS GOD! and i never could have done this without him!!! i forget that for one sec, even, and i am back to my old ways, my own pride, and my own weight gain. this fact is tried and true. this fact is not a theory.
i soooo want to thank God. my self discipline was a little stump. but it has grown so much. i remember the day i never thought i could go a day w/out binging. now, i have gone months. to some, this would seem so little. but to me... this is HUGE. very very HUGE. and yet, i want to do even greater things than this. when i compare it to what i want to do to please God in my life, this is tiny!!! miniscule! an ant in a huge world! lol!