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    NARA87   18,649
15,000-19,999 SparkPoints

Kinda tired of this, but whatever

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

They say that you only fain when you give up, so I guess I haven't failed. I'm back again!!!1

My last comeback was too long ago. It didn't last though. I have Hashimoto's and it keeps getting worse. Last May, I went to a new endocrinologist. He told me to go off the T4 for a month and I did it. It was so awful. I wasted my entire summer. When I wasn't too tired to get up from bed, I was asleep. In the end of that month, I was 21 lbs heavier. I went back for tests and he told me that I had been on the right dose and to keep it up... Just... no words. Nothing.

The worse part was that I gave up. I had bought this new pair of pants, which I couldn't pull up by the end of June and I threw it away. I had been making a charm bracelet: one charm for each goal met. I threw that away, too. I was done. Really done.

But by October, I'd realized that I can't do it. I can't give up. I can set crazy goals and fail and stop for a while or decide to take a break because it's Christmas and I don't want to miss out on anything, but I can't say that I'm never going to lose weight and just stop. Not when I know what I'm capable of. Not when I look forward to going home because nobody makes baked beans and ratatouille like my mom does. You don't know how surreal it is for me to say this.

I'm a new person and I can't wrong myself like this, I just can't. This weight loss process is taking too long and I get tired of it and I need help, but I don't know what kind of help, so I can't even ask for it, but I'm in it for the long haul. So, I'm starting over. I've already lost 17 out of the 21 lbs, but I only started tracking on Sunday. I'm doing all the steps on Sparkpeople again. I'm trying to go back to where I was when I first started and lost those 62 lbs. Hopefully this will work. If not, I'll just do the coming and going until I'm at goal 3 years later, I don't care. I just know that I'll do it.

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