I have come a long way the past (almost) 9 months. The physical changes are obvious, and I've been focusing on a lot of physical stuff lately. I have been talking about the amount of weight I have lost and my calorie plans to lose more, but I haven't talked much about the emotional stuff.
I have been learning to reprogram my mind and get rid of my negative self talk. After 26 years of constantly telling myself "You will always be the fat girl", "you will never lose this weight", "why are you even trying, you will only gain it back!", it is really quite the challenge to turn that self talk around.
Do I still have my "fat days" where I just feel blah?
Absolutely, but I try not to let that thought overwhelm me or stick with me throughout the day.
Despite all the progress I have made, I recently found myself saying "I will actually be happy when I lose the rest of this weight!" But I really stopped and dissected what that statement meant to me and what it implied. I felt like, while at first glance this statement looked potentially harmless, for me it meant that I am not happy now, and that I am waiting to be happy when I get to my goal weight. That is certainly not what I want. Despite everything I am actually very happy now. I may not get to my goal weight for months and months, or maybe even over a year. I am done "delaying happiness" because of a number on a scale. I was saying this to myself multiple times a day, so I had to replace it with a new phrase. I thought about it for a minute and I decided on "I will FEEL a lot better when I lose the rest of this weight." I thought that was a very fair and accurate statement. I feel 10 times better after getting 60 pounds off of my body, so it is only logical that after losing 30 or 40ish more I will physically feel EVEN better.
I am learning to appreciate where I am at and what I have accomplished while striving to get to my goals. I don't want to allow myself to become too comfortable at this weight, because I have places to go and people to see in Onederland, but that doesn't mean I can't stop and enjoy the scenery in the mean time! I have been going out more, dating boys *gasps*, although not super successfully
, and have not been jumping out of the way of cameras. I have more pictures of me out with friends in this past year than I have in my whole life and I'm glad to have them.
I encourage any of you that struggle with "negative" or "counter productive self talk" to try your best to replace it with much more encouraging phrases, it really does help in a lot of ways!