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Fed Up. Despite What Anybody Says, I Can Do This

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

I am currently training to run a half marathon in March, so I run 5.6 miles every other night. I run pretty late because I get home from various volunteer activities around 9pm. I live in the countryside so I run toward the city and back since it is better lit. The other night while I was running downtown, a man saw me and said loud enough for me to hear, "Disgusting."

At first, I admit I was shocked, angry, and hurt. I am a pretty sensitive person. But to my surprise, I did not let this knock me down. I have grown up enough to know, no one deserves to be called disgusting. In fact, I know I am not disgusting. I gained 30lbs in college as a result of my binge eating, but this leaves me at 150lbs, in a 5'6' frame'. This is yet another reminder of how "disgusting" society's standards really are.

However, this comment also made me realize who I really am doing this for. For some reason, I believe in a huge lie that I will only be loved if I am skinny. I feel like I will always lose out to the pretty skinny girl. I have always tried to overcompensate my body image insecurity with my personality. This all stems from a serious relationship I was in, in which, my ex had convinced me that I was unlovable if I did not look attractive. So in order to prove him wrong, I think I subconsciously gained weight and wanted to see if any guy would still love me.

I am 22 years old and I still have a lot of growing up to do, and a lot to learn about myself.

But, at least I can say I am done trying to fit into society's standards of "beauty." I'm doing this for me. This isn't about looking good, but rather feeling good. How much I weigh has absolutely no reflection on the quality of my character.

I can do this.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Way to go about not letting yourself get down because of that comment.

    I read somewhere that you should never take anything somebody says personally as what people say is always a reflection on themselves, of their own world. What he said probably had nothing to do with you, just something that guy set in his own mind. Pitty him for thinking that, let him be and keep on aiming towards your goal.

    I admire your dedication to running a half marathon, it's amazing what our bodies are capable of. I wish I can find the same motivation and aim to run a half marathon one day. emoticon
    1895 days ago
    At 150 lb on a 5'6" frame??????
    That is absolute nonsense.

    150 on 5'6" is barely fully-formed!!!!!! What does the BMI chart say? What does the mirror say?

    The only disgusting thing was the commenter's own sense of inadequacy. You are a role model.

    You go, Girl! You're the role model--'disgusting'-guy is a non-entity. Fart in his general direction and condemn him to non-existence.
    1897 days ago
    yes you can do anything you put your mind too. including ignoring the stupid, what i call dull-thuds because that's the sound they make landing, loud-mouths out there. i can honesty say i don't hear that kind of noise, for i don't pay attention to them.
    1897 days ago
    I would have had that initial reaction myself... Awesome to you for not listening. Good to you to keep pushing... You can do this....
    1897 days ago
    You are right, you can do it! I can ensure you that at 5'6 and 150lbs there is nothing disgusting about your body. Forget those jerks or use them as motivation. The best revenge is proving them wrong. Confidence and strength are sexy and I can see by your determination and sass in your post that you have both.

    I feel your struggle, I was at my heaviest (190lbs) at 15 years old, I lost weight making my lowest (138lbs) at age 21, now at age 35 I am up to 156 at 5'4 going up from 142 (my most consistent weight) to 156 in just 3 years. It just doesn't feel good but it poses a challenge and opportunity to grow (hopefully not in a literal sense).

    I will start following your post and shooting you words of encouragement. Feel free to follow mine too if you would like.

    From a fellow runner, who has run 1/2 marathons, marathons, tough mudders etc., use the online resources to help you train. Getting up to at least 7 miles prior to the race and then tapering toward the race day will make a huge difference in your ability to finish strong. Nutrition is huge also. You have to eat properly (meaning enough and the right foods) to sustain energy as you start running longer distances (especially over the 6-7 mile mark).

    Good luck lady.
    1897 days ago
    I admire how grown up you are being about it! I'm your age and I might have karate chopped him.... and let me guess he was not a perfectly in shape brad pitt himself.... I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and guess he stepped in some dog poo and said out loud "disgusting" because you my friend are not :)
    1897 days ago
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