This is mainly unrelated to weight loss, but it's something that is very important to me and I feel like I need to share it. It's quite long, but I'd appreciate it if you took time to read it. Thank you :)
I know I mostly write about my health, nutrition and fitness and leave other personal stuff outside my blog, but I sometimes want to share some other aspects of myself with you. As I have gone through this transformation, I have changed not only on the outside but on the inside as well. I have become more confident and I feel like I have a much better idea of what my dreams and goals are in life. I used to belittle them, tell myself they're not that important or that I'm not good enough to pursue them. But ever since last February when I first decided to change my life (not just the weight but the whole package) I have noticed a change in myself. I'm still a work in progress but I feel like I'm a lot closer to reaching my dreams as I was a year ago.
I've said it before so some of you may already know this, but one of my biggest dreams in life has always been to become a writer. I have been writing poems and stories since I was six years old, and when the teacher asked the kids in my class what we wanted to be when grow up, I told her I wanted to be a writer. Even though I've always known this, somewhere along the way I began to lose sight of this dream. I would think about writing every day but never wrote a single line. That would KILL me and I always felt so guilty about it. I knew I wanted to write, I needed to... but I just didn't have the drive. I was tired, lost and there were times when I was even downright depressed. I didn't know what I wanted. I started my English studies at Uni but took a leave after just one year to figure out what I wanted to do. I wanted to do something creative, I wanted to write, but I felt like I wasn't good enough.
I then spent two years working as a freelance journalist, writing poems or short stories occasionally. I took journalism classes online and then I applied to another school where I studied hotel management. I felt like I was at my wit's end. I was completely lost. I didn't know what I wanted - well, actually, I knew I wanted to write but besides that, I had no idea. I felt like I was drifting further and further away from my dream and the person I was meant to be. I didn't like any of my classes and I just felt like I didn't belong there. I had NEVER, ever in my life dreamed of working in the hotel management / hospitality field. It's definitely not me. In retrospect, I just drifted around aimlessly and ended up at that particular school because it was so close to where me and my boyfriend lived.
I decided I needed to change. I needed to step up and stop running away from my one true passion. I needed to stop running away from me. I had a talk (actually, many very lengthy conversations) with my boyfriend and I decided to quit the school I was studying at and go back to Uni where I had previously been studying English. I know this is all very confusing but let me explain. I decided to change my major from English to Literature. And that's what I've been studying now for the past months, and let me tell you, I'M LOVING IT!
I feel so blessed to have finally found a place where I belong. I love studying literature, and it's even helping me work on my own writing as well. I have been writing poems and working on a novella that I hope to be ready by the end of the month. I feel like I'm exactly where I need to be. Previously I felt like my life was not my own, but now it absolutely is. Without my detours I would have graduated already, but you know what? It's all been worth it. I've learned so much about myself along the way and I know it was all for the best. I'm here now, and that's all that matters.
My goal is to get accepted to the Creative Writing program and pick that as my minor next year. I also plan to make a collection of my poems and send that to a few publishers here in Finland. I WILL BECOME A WRITER ONE DAY, a published writer. That has always been my dream and I'm willing to work very hard for it. I've come a long way already. (Oh, and if my writing seems incoherent or not "good enough" for a writer, it's just because as most of you know English isn't my native language, Finnish is. And that is also the language I'm writing in.)
Anyway, I just wanted to share this with you as it is very important to me. I feel like this is directly related to SparkPeople and the changes I have made in my life since I joined here. I want to thank all of you for being such supportive and wonderful friends to me! Your support means everything.