Tuesday, December 11, 2012
I've been dealing so much better with stress lately. I attribute it to a number of factors. I decided to stop arguing with people about politics and other heated issues, and I've decreased my exposure to news media as well. I'm learning to accept that I'm not responsible and cannot change what other people do or don't believe. If I am angered by something someone says, no matter how outrageous, I have learned just not to engage. I'm learning to see beyond differences of opinion and really look at the humanity in everybody.
Second - I started meditating again. I have started with what I call ''mini-retreats'' where I go in my bedroom each Saturday for two or three hours and spend the time meditating and reading books on Buddhism. This led to me celebrating my first Buddhist holiday on December 8th - Bodhi Day - where I took most of the entire day just to be present and reflect. It has been so rewarding. All of that existential angst I have been feeling has melted away.
I've been living more in the moment, worrying less about time passing away from me. Now whenever I frantically ask myself ''What time is it?" I reply, ''It's NOW o'clock.'' It reminds me to just chill out and look around me and enjoy what I have while I have it.
Third - I started exercising again and I have tracked my calories every. single. day. no matter what I ate. It's kind of helpful because when I noticed I haven't lost weight over the last two weeks, I was able to go back and see that while I did eat in my range most days, it was at the top of the range pretty much the entire last week. And on the days when I saved all the tracking for the end of the day... you guessed it... I ate more.
Thing is, I'm in a totally different head space when it comes to weight loss right now. I want to lose weight, but it's not because I find my body unattractive. I have learned to love my body. I'm not sure how... maybe it was after losing and regaining weight so many times I began to see how cynical the weight loss industry is and how hard it works to take your money. We've seen the dialog shift slightly from ''get attractive!'' to ''get healthy!'' but the emphasis is still on weight loss and still preys on the insecurities people have about their bodies. It's such a racket. Massive weight loss is not necessary for health. Healthy behaviors are necessary for health.
So my healthy behaviors are exercise daily and track my calories every day. My Facebook friend Jack is helping me with the exercises. Right now I can barely walk because my calves are so sore, but I'm going to do go for a short ''walk'' (more like a ''hobble'') and do some ground-release push-ups since those don't involve my legs. I just don't want my body to fall apart more than it already has. This is my prime motivation. Secondary motivation is fitting nicely into my clothes. The size of those clothes is negotiable. Notice neither of those motives involve wearing a bikini to the beach. I'm allergic to the sun anyway.
Fourthly - and this is really just circumstantial - Dom has been offered 8 internship interviews so far, and the odds are very good that we will end up in our #1 location of choice. I cannot reveal our preference publicly because of the rules surrounding the internship, but sufficed to say things are looking soooo much better than last year. I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself since anything can happen, but by the end of February we should know. And if we get our way, it's going to be amazing. (And even if we don't, it will still be pretty cool.)
So yeah. Cause for celebration.