Daily Update - Dec 6th - Dec 11th, 2012 - WARNING - NOT HAPPY BLOG
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Alright so as you can tell I've been MIA again. I'm dealing with a lot of personal stuff right now. I have (since starting to lose weight back in mid summer) lost 39.6 lbs. and have been trying to get my life in order in so many ways. It's all kind of caught up with me and I feel overwhelmed. I am trying to overcome anxiety, depression, lose weight, eat healthier, be more active in helping around the house, take care of my hypothyroidism, work on being cleaner in my person (ie showering, brushing teeth, washing clothes more, etc), getting to work full time again, blurry vision causing 5 week long (so far) headache and occasional dizziness (yesterday and today is longest stretch so far). and to top it all off I am now thinking that my relationship with Mervin and myself may be over (at least for now).
We have been in a relationship since March 5th, 2008, but the past little while has been very hard on both of us. Mervin had lost his job and we've been floundering for one reason or another ever since. I am not saying we'll never be together again as I do love him, but I think we need to be apart until we both get our lives together separately. I think he's holding me back a bit in my goal to become healthier and happier and he's also causing some un-needed stress in my life because he's upset all the time. I am not saying I've not done anything wrong (because I have), but I think that it's gotten to the point that we are just harming each other more than helping and we need to take some steps back to get ourselves in check. I haven't had this discussion with him yet but hopefully after work we'll have it. Also, my hope is that he will feel similarly to me as he's been angry with me a lot lately and this might give him a load off as well. I think I may be holding him back (sort of) from helping himself because he thinks he has to take care of me and do stuff that I don't ask him to do (such as cooking and cleaning). I know it needs to be done, but if I was living alone there would be less of both and it would get done eventually. I just don't see the need to always do it when I'm focusing on other things. Anyway, that's probably going too non-healthy living related for you guys anyway. I just needed to type it out. LOL.
So back to healthy lifestyle, I've been doing okay I guess. I'm not eating the right way but I've been eating less food (stress) so it hasn't damaged me too much. I did lose 2 lbs this week. My friend Kendra said that 2 lbs was okay and it sort of bothered me but that's probably because here the most we expect to lose every week is 2 lbs but in her head she knows I can do better. I know I can too, but I need the energy to do it. LOL. I went swimming with Kendra, Liam, Karen and Josh on Saturday for about 1 hour of swimming total. It was fun but I was drained the next day. No exercise since then, but I hope to get some conversations with Mervin out of the way tonight so I'll know where I'm living and what I'll be doing and thus be able to workout again as a de-stressor.
Anyway, that's it for me for now. I'll try to come on every day to at least spin the wheel and do SparkCoach, but I will probably not be more active than that for awhile. Everyone else.....I know that you are doing a fantastic job so please remember all of the encouragement I would normally be giving you if I was on as much as I used to be. You and I can do this! I just need to step back for another little bit! Keep up the wonderful work!