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The change

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

For a few months I had a break from the "black cloud" that rolls in monthly and changes how I see things. In fact, one of the main reasons I started this weight loss journey was in hopes of lowering my estrogen so the balance between progesterone and estrogen wouldn't be as much.
It seemed to help for several months - but then here comes the hormonal changes with a vengeance. Slept very little last night - had already recognized the gloom that tries to take over my perception of life. I know this will pass - so it can't be real - but that doesn't really help when it is happening. I try to keep my head above water, but its tough and all the googling leads to suggestions for help before you reach this point. There are breaks - down on the streets praying with the homeless keeps my mind in a better place - but that isn't all day, every day. Its the rest of the time that causes struggles. Reminding myself of things I'm grateful for also helps. So heres some: friends from far away who seem to call at the exact moment I am needing laughter, sp where I find so much inspiration, encouragement, and hope from others, legs and arms that work, a warm house, the ability to think and reason, a Bible that pulls me out of myself, encourages me, and keeps me going, DH that hangs in there through these rough periods, older ladies who show me what it truly means to love others through their examples, those who have made it through this which gives me hope that one day this will be over, adult children who are both alive because of God, DGC who are growing so fast, sisters who are just a phone call away and always love me, a Bible study of elderly people who are so very wise having lived long, a bed when so many are sleeping on the sidewalk.
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    1927 days ago

    Going through that 'dark cloud' right now.

    Isn't it amazing how our bodies work?
    1927 days ago
    Oh my goodness! WILLOWBROOK5 nailed it with that "sense of doom". I'm just beginning my crazy cycle. I start the progesterone today. I'll have a nagging sense of anxiety for 4 or 5 days and then the interrupted sleep and crazy thinking will start for 5 or 6 days. The only thing that keeps me from being truly a lunatic is that I can intellectualize what is going on and get through it. The progesterone helps a lot. Hard exercise helps, too. A glass of wine, or two, or three have also helped, but I don't like to make that a habit.

    Send me a private message if it helps. I'll commiserate with you.

    Check out moodscope.com. It's a useful tool in that it helps you sort out exactly how your mood is off and helps you identify the parts of your mood that are good. Hard to explain, but you'll see what I mean when you start it. It also helps you see patterns.

    1927 days ago
  • MKELLY72
    I like your list of things that help to pull you through. I find that writing about things helps me when I get hit with that dark gloom too. I never felt like I experienced much for moodiness during PMS as a teen and young adult, but the changes now seem very overwhelming at times. I find myself wanting to apologize to my loved ones for things that I'm thinking....when my patience is thin (usually I am very patient).
    1927 days ago
    Hang in there! I remember reading about the symptom of "a sense of doom," and thinking, "Yes, yes! That is exactly how it feels. Like doom is around the corner." And it is so hard when your sleep is disrupted. Sounds like you are doing a lot of helpful things to get through this and have wonderful support! It does get better. I occassionaly get a hot flash and my skin isn't what it used to be, but otherwise, I really love menopause. There is a lot ot recommend it once you get through the worst of the symptoms. Sending you prayers and hugs.
    1927 days ago
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