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    FLOTILLAM   70
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Go to bed with satisfaction.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

All right! I have managed to figure out, yet again, how to write a blog post on here.

I've had a lot going on! First, I started doing light therapy. It works brilliantly. Then I had a hypnotherapy session. Very effective. Then something brought me crashing to the ground. Let's just say that I could be more self-centered in a good way, more detached from the froth and storms that sometimes go on around me! My sensitivity has motivated me to take care of my own negativity, but not everyone in my life is as sensitive. So now I have a new lesson (well hardly new, really) where I have to be as powerfully self-centered as possible, and not engage in that negativity, even if I'm trying to discourage it. By chasing after the other person and telling them that they're going the wrong way, I only get more lost myself. And the truth is that other people learn in different ways than I do, so even if they are going the wrong way, their right way might be slightly different than the one I'd suggest for them.

In the midst of all that, I neglected my elimination diet. Not that I ate what you'd think of as unhealthy food... but, well, here's the silver lining: I know for SURE that I am sensitive to tomatoes now! And then that time of the month started. So my body feels pretty out of whack at the moment. My energy is very low--not in the sense that I'm draggy, as before the light therapy, but I actually feel physically weak. The silly thing is that I've mostly been off my diet because I felt guilty about DH cooking so much when I'm physically low. He doesn't mind at all as long as I do the meal planning and it's simple, but I feel guilty and nudge him to get takeout which I don't even enjoy eating instead. That has got to stop!

I've been keeping up with Flylady, and I think I've finally decided to cancel my gym membership as a form of clutter. The reason I haven't gone in so long is because the last time I saw a personal trainer, I was doing weight training which I loved. He had me challenge my muscles in a way that they handled quite easily, but I nearly passed out due to blood sugar. I think my digestion is just too unhealthy most of the time to do anything worthwhile at the gym. And it's lame to be paying for something that could easily take me years to be able to use. There's so much I can do with walking type exercise, and home or neighborhood yoga. If I ever reached the point where I was able to do weight training again, I could just rejoin. All right! I've convinced myself once and for all. Plus, even though the gym membership didn't seem like that much money, it would be cheaper to replace DH's and my fitbits, and to get a new fitbit as a gift for a friend...!

Today I followed a large part of my daily routines. I took most of my supplements. I almost stuck to the diet--well I did entirely yesterday--it gets a bit hard with all the physical things going on around here, and now my DH has a cold--so we had healthy takeout. I worked on our freezer mealplan in the morning, and in the evening I posted some more printed out aphorisms up on the walls.

Actually, this morning started out quite badly. After all that, still in the pits, I said to myself "It has to happen anyway, so just do it. Do as much as you practically can." That was a nice and simple idea. The first sentence became a new aphorism up on my wall. I've been thinking a lot about this great translation of the Tao Te Ching I've been reading, especially ideas which are best summarized in a quote I actually got from a yoga book: "What we call our difficulties are often just the thoughts we have about our situation." We get all caught up in these froths and tangles, yet what is actually going on is very pure, direct, dynamic, and constantly changing--full of new possibilities!

Meanwhile, I've been thinking about REALLY doing religious practice. I don't really mean the outward forms, although they're a part of it--I mean really, internally, potently, doing the religious practice, and also genuinely altering my moment by moment orientation. I give lip service to this stuff but it's really beside the point if it's just an occasional, sporadic brainstorm, no matter how satisfying that is in the moment. Or something that impacts me emotionally, but only during the fairly infrequent phases in which everything in my life is already going very well.

With all the digestive and hormonal and sleep stuff going on at the moment, I feel a bit woozy to apply that in a very impressive way. But there's always my nightly appreciation list. (Basically the same as a gratitude list.) Short, easy, and yet quite effective at changing a subtly negative way of thinking into one that is more positive. I'll do mine here tonight:

1. recent ideas that keep my path clear to me even during rough patches--such a precious thing
2. the writing that gives me purpose
3. the power of food planning
4. my wonderful spouse who is so generous and provides such a learning opportunity
5. S. who is such powerful resource
6. my adorable, fluffy kitty cat
7. good food
8. B. who is such good day to day company
9. The L. that keeps me socially involved and gives me a possible intellectual outlet
10. Eileen Caddy and her fantastic daily message book :)

Tomorrow, my plan was to stock the kitchen. Because of these various physical things going on, that probably won't happen. I'll be back to normal on Wednesday or Thursday at the latest. I'll be popping out to the doctor. I also want to finish and send the email to S. And continue with my routines again. I really want to try to push through and do absolutely all of them. In my in between time I can either edit the D. script, or work on simplifying the cooking/freezer meal plan. Oh right! Also get going on handmade gifts again. Lots to do as always.

Oh, here's another aphorism I came across that I really love: "Wake up with determination. Go to bed with satisfaction." I am going to bed with satisfaction, but if I'd done all my routines it would have been even better. I think that's a good minimum for moderately physically wobbly days.
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