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Dare to Dream

Monday, December 10, 2012

I'm giving myself permission to dream big. No more fear of failure. No more underestimating my potential. No more visceral attachments to food. No more compromising the big picture for the little details. No more self-degradation, and, necessarily, No more excuses.

Something has changed in my mind, and I feel ready to take control of the rest of my life. I have goals--certainly, losing weight has always been a goal of mine, and I've made modest progress on this front in the past year or so. Now, however, I have goals for which losing weight is merely a means to an end.

Goal #1, 5k: I know I have said this before, but one goal of mine is to run (and not walk, at all) an entire 5k. I can only imagine the sheer joy that this experience will bring to me--someone who was never an active child, adolescent, or adult--to be able to improve and even excel in a long-term athletic endeavor. Priceless. I am currently training for this goal via walks and walk/runs, slowly increasing my mileage and speed each week. I am restarting the couch to 5k program on Jan 1st.

Goal #2, Clothes: I want to be able to wear a smaller pant size than I've ever worn in my adult life. I have not been below a size 24 (or below 300 lb) since elementary school, so this will be a monumental accomplishment for me. I am currently wearing a 24 in some jeans, and a 26 in others... so this goal is completely attainable in the near future.

Goal #3, Martial Arts/etc: I want to practice some sort of martial art. Also, I've always wanted to try fencing. I want to be able to experience both of these things without being limited by my weight or range of motion or speed or endurance. I am incredibly flexible and have remarkably good balance (even at this weight), so I know I could excel at these things. To take me one step closer to this goal now, I am going to attend a Tai Chi class at my gym as a gentle introduction and foundation for things to come. Also, I want to be able to do more advanced yoga moves, which are not possible at my current size.

Goal #4, Japan: If I can find a way to save up the money this summer via some sort of employment, I may be visiting my friend in Japan next December (2013). This would be the absolute most amazing experience of my lifetime, and I want to be able to fully enjoy it, without being physically or intellectually limited by my size or by my level of fitness. I want to be able to fall asleep on the plane and wake up many hours later, in Japan, without feeling very uncomfortable in my seat and without worrying about crowding the person next to me. I want to feel confident and at ease about being in the pictures we take on our tour of Tokyo, Osaka, and Kyoto. I want to be able to walk the many miles involved through beautiful gardens and temples, without having to call a day trip short due to knee pain, foot pain, or plain exhaustion. I want to fully participate in all of the amazing experiences we may share during this very limited time, and take in the culture and country whose language I have studied over these past few years.

Thus: I am on a mission to lose 100 lb in one year.

Of course, I will allow myself to be happy with my accomplishments along the way. I am living life now, and making the most of each and every day. And no, I won't beat myself up for not making it to this goal, should I fail.... but I am no longer worried about failing. Even if I "fail," I know I will lose a significant amount, so why not try? I know that I can do it; I've proved to myself that I can lose this past 60 lb, and I know what is working for me. I've had ups and downs: significant re-gains, quick losses, stubborn plateaus, periods of intense motivation, and also depressive episodes; I've tackled weight loss during several stages of my life, with varying degrees of stress and responsibilities. I've gotten the hang of things. I know what to expect. I know there will be not-so-great days, and I know that they will always subside. I know how to play this game.

Right now, it's my time: I am marrying a wonderful man who shares my drive and passion for fitness/health. I also have the emotional support of my friends, Sparkfriends and family, who want nothing more than to see me succeed. I have myself, which I have learned to love and defend, instead of sabotaging and insulting. Losing this weight will help me in all aspects of my life and will allow me to be a better student, wife, friend, and daughter.

I'm tired of my slow and not-so-steady pace, and lucky enough to be faced with a unique opportunity to speed things up for a spell.

100 lbs in 1 year. I'm doing it. Here I go!

UPDATE: Well I gained a bit and my Dec 31 weight was 360.8. So I am going with that, and aiming to be at 260.8 by Dec 31, 2013. I can do this!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You've got this!! Your goals are fantastic, and completely within your reach. And, we'll be here cheering you on the entire time! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1883 days ago
    Your goals are inspiring and your future sounds bright. Congratulations and I wish you strength and determination for your goals. You can do it!
    1884 days ago
    Oh my gosh i love your attitude!! You inspire me all the time Jamie but this is taking it to a new level. I swear to you i was just talking with a friend about my fear of failing...this blog fits right in with the things i have been thinking. I am so proud of you for dreaming big and i believe in you completely!!
    1894 days ago
    Your passion is contagious! You can do it!
    1895 days ago
  • EUEK098
    emoticon first off, I love this blog. The passion is there, and that's a huge motivator, once the mind is made up, nothing can stand in the way. I find it to be extremely amazing that weight loss enhances other areas in our live. So with you on the advanced yoga moves, I hope to one day do and hold the crane position. You've got this Jamie, go destroy those pounds.
    1895 days ago
    You've dreamed. No keep the goals and action plans for achieving those goals in your focus. You WILL succeed and maybe even do better than you can imagine.

    1895 days ago
  • MSLEO88
    No Dream is too Big!!! The sky's the limit. emoticon
    1895 days ago
  • MILLIE5522
    Brilliant! 2013 is going to be your year!
    1895 days ago
    It sounds like something has just "clicked" for you. Way to go, when this has happened to me, I'm the most successful in my efforts.

    You can meet your goal!
    1895 days ago
    Great goals with a great timeframe. Big goals mean taking big steps and ragged determination. Fighting harder than you have before with a purpose. Every accomplished goals should be a power boost towards the next one and so on and so on. Be excited to attain this. Can you smell that,ahh!!! the sweet smell of victory.
    1895 days ago
    We both have similar ideas! If you ever need an extra to go to Japan, send me a message! I've always wanted to go!
    As for the 5k, I think the view of wanting to do it is different between someone who used to be fit and someone who has never been fit. I stopped being fit in first/second grade, but before then, I remember absolutely loving to run. Like, it was my favorite thing ever. And my goal now is to get back to the point I can again. Right now I can go about a full minute without feeling like I'm going to keel over.
    Martial Arts. I've always been interested, but I don't have the patience to move ahead at the pace that they do. I always want to move on to the next thing, despite me realizing WHY we go at the pace we do. Also, I've recently been reading Hajime no Ippo, so I'm seriously thinking about learning some boxing. I'm sure it would be more worth it that you believe even now.
    Clothes. You wear a size 26? I wear a size 40! Of course, being a guy, there's a different measurement system, but that's a large difference in the number.
    Ambitious goals, but I'm sure you can do it! Just remember why you're doing it. Every time you don't feel like working out, want to eat cookies instead of carrots, or eat the whole fridge when it's an hour til dinner time, remember this feeling of need.
    1896 days ago
  • KIPPER15
    emoticon emoticon emoticon with this mind set and good goals you can do this; beleive in yourself!
    1896 days ago
    Your dreams are always right in front of you-you can do it!

    This sounds like a realistic and good goal to set yourself too...the only person that really needs to believe and cherish your success is yourself...hold your head high and push through-you got this girl! emoticon
    1896 days ago
    You can do it. That is similar to my goal, just do not give up, you havent failed until you fail to try!!!
    1896 days ago
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