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"Judgement" is a bad word for a necessary process

Monday, December 10, 2012

While the judgement of others is often distressing, judging ourselves is essential to progress. We have all heard the old saw about insanity being defined as doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Yet how do we change if we don't carefully examine our actions, reactions, attitudes, and honestly decide if we have done the right thing, handled the situation best?

The whole process has to start with what we did wrong, which is usually manifested in a negative result. For some it's eating the wrong thing. For me it's usually saying something I shouldn't. Very few of us eat the Reeses thinking it's the right thing to do, and are anguished when the scale judges us with a "surprising" opposite. We KNOW it's wrong but do it anyway, and then we concentrate on the negative feelings engendered by doing something wrong. Our society these days, however, concentrates on not "hurting our feelings", but there is no chance of improvement with that.

I liken it to a sports team. After every game, the players go over the tapes of the game. They don't do it to make themselves feel better, and they don't concentrate on all the good plays so they don't have to deal with the bad ones. They look for every single failure, and they figure out how to do it differently next time. If you watched a quarterback throw a ball behind his receiver time after time, you wouldn't feel inhibited about thinking he isn't doing a good job. You'd wonder why he doesn't practice doing it the right way, a million times if necessary. The coach isn't going to say "Oh you poor baby", he's going to say "get to work". And that work isn't going to involve how well he pats himself on the back every time he throws the ball to the wrong person. It's going to involve actively, carefully, intentionally practicing in a careful, precise way, the right moves over and over and over and over until he gets it right. If he doesn't he will lose his slot to someone who is willing.

Careful weight loss doesn't involve competing with others. It's not like only 100 people can lose weight this year, can you be one of them? It doesn't involve any special talent, any gift not available to every single person alive. There are probably some people who would do better with that pressure, but I'm sure not one of them.

At the end of every day I take an inventory of my day. I take note of progress, but I also note everything I could have done better. I cannot take back words I wish I hadn't said, but I can note the situation and figure out how to do better next time. I can decide that I need to avoid certain situations, that I need to have a better attitude in certain situations, that I need to ask for help in certain situations. And then I go about the process of how to do those things. What words can I say to myself when my mother is pushing every button I have? While words cannot make me fat, the aftereffects sure can. I need to see the signs of impending trouble BEFORE they happen and deal with them, rather than wait until after and wonder why why why. I have met many who believe that it doesn't matter what they do as long as they feel appropriately miserable about it, that the misery is sufficient penalty. Personally I'd rather do without it.

I do not judge others, not their bodies or their hair or their cars. I do judge myself, but it's an inventory rather than a self-flagellation. In that lies progress.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    ITs rare that I respond to 2 blogs on one person's page, but you sure do have a way with words that sort of hit you in the chest and you say to yourself...YEA! and I NEED to take action NOW and I can and will do this....Thanks I appreciate your gift! emoticon
    1912 days ago
  • SHARON10002
    emoticon blog! Loved your summation. So very true. Wish I were more consistent in doing everything I need to every day.
    1917 days ago
    I loved this blog - it has made me rethink how to review my day. I like the analogy to the sports team reviewing the tapes of the game to help them recognize where they can improve. I do like to focus on the positive aspects of my day and feel guilty when I have made "less than healthy" choices. You have put a very positive spin on "self judgement" as being an inventory. emoticon

    I agree with Hungrywoman2- your last statement says it all.. emoticon

    1921 days ago
    A very good blog to remember to help ourselves and not judge others. Thank you.

    1924 days ago
    Your last statement says it all. emoticon
    1925 days ago
    After my morning weigh-in, I can look back and explain the results. My weight is alright. It could be better. This has been a busy week. Leaving early three mornings has changed my routine. I exercise in the morning. Thursday, Friday and Saturday, I will go back to my routine.
    1927 days ago
    I can so relate -- thanks for the insight!
    1928 days ago
  • MKELLY72
    I love this blog! It can really relate to so many things in our lives. I think you just helped me to take a different angle on something that I have been struggling with as a parent with one of my kids.
    Thank you so much!!
    1928 days ago
    Thanks for this thoughtful and thought-provoking blog! It's too bad the word "judgment" has a negative connotation. We could use the work "assessment," but it doesn't go far's just a tool in the process, so "judgment" will have to do, as long as the self-judgment is used in a constructive, instructive, gentle way.
    1928 days ago
    Judgment is part of human nature. It does not need to be destructive or vindictive. Judgment is how we discern and you nailed it on the head when you said that judgmented allows you to take inventory and make progress.
    1928 days ago
    While I think it is a really good thing to do a 'personal inventory', I don't think it is a good thing to be taking anothers 'personal inventory'. Not that I think you're doing that, but I do see that a lot on the web and I find it disheartening. Because when we take anothers inventory, if we don't be gentle with our words, we can beat the person down instead of building them up. We can make the battle so difficult that they give up the battle. While we can't supposedly "make anybody anything" I don't fully agree. Cause words hurt, words break spirits. So, words, whether to ourselves or others, need to be used constructively, and not like a battering ram. And, I think that is exactly what you were saying in your blog: encouraging (constructive) inventory taking.

    By the way, I absolutely loved the message in your blog. It's an EXCELLANT blog.

    1928 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/10/2012 7:57:27 PM
    "Careful weight loss doesn't involve competing with others. It's not like only 100 people can lose weight this year, can you be one of them?"

    "While words cannot make me fat, the aftereffects sure can"

    All round great blog, but these were the two passages which really resonated with me!

    Judgment as inventory is not a bad thing: it's essential. If we don't evaluate what we've done, how can we ever do better??
    1928 days ago
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