Sunday, December 09, 2012
Wow, itís been a really LONG time since Iíve even thought about logging on to spark, reaching out to friends, blogging, much less tracking my food or even thinking about exercise. This year was one for transition, where I had to completely step out of my comfort zone and put all my faith and trust in the universe leading me in the right direction and life working out as it should. For someone who puts a lot of stake in having a set schedule with little to no variations, that was very hard!
Anyone who knows me knows that I worked at a job that I was very unhappy at. I felt trapped because I wanted to leave, but couldnít find a new gig that would allow me to still maintain my quality of life. But for many reasons I left the job in July and found myself unemployed with a mortgage, student loans and lots of bills that needed to be paid. I was so frantic because this was the first time since I was 16 years old that I didnít have a job. Iíve always been very resourceful and self sufficient and being in this new place was very scary. Scary because I had been trying to find another job for almost 2 years without much luck, and scary because when the bills are due, theyíre due. I wasnít in a financial position to sit around waiting long for employers to call me for a professional job since interviewing can take sooooo long. So I was desperate for whatever. I landed two part-time gigs. I ended up taking jobs that I was very overqualified for just to be able to have some income. Long story short, I was working two part-time jobs with crazy, exhausting hours. One job was 4:30a-3p and I would leave that and go to another 3:30p-11p. Just to wake up and do it all over again. My life for the past few months has been nothing but work, sleep for a few hours and work again. Very reminiscent of Groundhog Day. Due to this schedule I donít get to spend a lot of quality time with my partner, I havenít seen my friends in months and havenít seen my family in a spell either. This schedule is certainly lonely. With the amount of hours Iíve been working I havenít had time to take care of myself. I havenít been able to get a sufficient amount of respite, eat at home, exercise Ė no activities that are worthy of walking a healthy path have been present for some time. Needless to say I think Iíve packed on 30 lbs or so. Thirty to be safe, but itís an estimate because Iím too afraid to step on the scale and really see what the damage is. But I can tell in my thighs, my backside, my arms that Iíve packed on some weight. Even getting in my mini cooper with a passenger can be a struggle due to my expanding girth. A mini is fun to drive but itís no fun getting out of that thing huffing and puffing thatís for sure!
I was given myself too much of a pass. I can sometimes be my own worst enemy because I enable myself. I gave myself a pass to let all hell break lose because I really didnít know how else to deal with things during this time. Iím all about multi tasking but the issue at hand was working to survive and pay the bills. I told myself that I would worry about losing weight and getting healthy once I got another full-time gig and a decent salary. I am so happy and gracious to report that I will be starting a new job after the new year and now I can get back to getting right. I would like to keep one of my part-time jobs just until I can get my credit cards paid back down and get back on my feet. I also want to make sure I cut my expenses and save more money. Because trust and believe I will never be caught in a situation like I was this time around. I know financial independence is no where in my future, but it will at least be nice to know that should something come up I wonít be in the same predicament financially. But Iím worried about having two jobs. This job Iím starting on 1/2 is one that I absolutely need to be dedicated to. I wowed these folks in the interview and theyíre expecting to have excellent results Ė which is why they hired me. And thatís to be expected. I want to do well and embrace this job, learn from this job and excel at this job. It could be that being in the trenches these last few months looking for gainful employment has humbled me, but this is the first time that Iím ever really looking forward to starting a job. Usually I would feel entitled to my new position. Saying to myself ďyeah I worked hard, this is the next step, I deserve this.Ē. Wow, that attitude is gone for sure. I am so gracious and overwhelmed to have this new start. I honestly started crying when the employer called to tell me I had been selected. Answered prayers always come in unexpected ways thatís for sure.
So I need to get back to right. Moderation is key. Small steps lead to big change. This is a minor set back that has set me up for a major come back. Iím excited!