Saturday, December 08, 2012
I'm not sure exactly when it happened, or how, but somehow I've stopped being hungry all of the time. To the point where I have to remember to eat. Talking with my therapist, she was concerned. She said that I shouldn't NOT be hungry, but I told her that I just didn't care if I ate to my range (1700-2200 daily). She questioned if I was restricting. I guaranteed her I was not. I let her know that I think it is a combination of my running again, plus paying attention to my meals to ensure they are balanced and nutritionally packed. I let her know I'm eating more frequently, though less at each meal.
She asked if it was possible if I had been relying on my REAL hunger cues instead of my failsafe hunger cues (STARVING!!! OVERSTUFFED!!). I stopped, thought, and said yes. Then she said "so the food is just the food".
The food is just the food... can it be?
I think there are some signs that support this... I have had a quart of ice cream sitting in my freezer since before Thanksgiving and I've had a half cup. There are two different kinds of ice cream besides that in my freezer and I haven't touched them in weeks. I held an ice cream social for my employees with EVERY topping you can imagine and held it together... even enjoyed some in moderation. I can eat some chocolate at night as a sweet treat, leave the basket sitting next to me, and not feel compelled to devour the entire thing. I've had chex mix in my cupboard portioned out for over a week... and I haven't had any. ANY!
Do I think I'm "cured"? No... I think that would be really deceptive thinking, but I'm taking this reprieve and running with it because it's a blessing to be able to be around food and not feel crazy. Or obsessive. Or guilty. Or ashamed.
I ran for the 9th time since I started running again. Still horribly slow, but I'm out there. Came in under 47 minutes for a 5K for the first time since I started again. Even though I'm way slower, I'm very proud I am back out there... especially when it's sunny and only 25 degrees on December 8th.
Food is just food. Who knew?