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    JEWDATNATION   19,317
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rejection.

Saturday, December 08, 2012

I'm not handling this rejection very well. It's triggered my anxiety and depression and I'm having trouble shaking it. We have a great recreational league here, which most cities aren't as lucky to have, so I have gotten a lot of support from those girls and have been encouraged to keep skating with them. But I haven't gotten official feedback from the league about why I didn't make it, and I just don't understand why some people were drafted at all. It is really hard not to take it personally, or feel like people just don't like me for some reason. I'm trying to stay away from social media since that seems to add to my feelings of being shut out and it isn't helping me get through this gracefully. This is the second year in a row that I've been denied, although I made it farther in the process this year than I did before. All of the fresh meat that I trained with said that they were shocked I didn't make it, which is nice to hear, but it doesn't change anything. Nothing will. I am just confused and don't understand why it wasn't my turn this year.
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JEWDATNATION 6/21/2014 9:04PM

    I was reflecting on this recently. It took me a long while to get over the rejection from the league, but in the months and years that followed, I joined a local scrimmage team (unaffiliated with the league or WFTDA) and found my strength as a team player. I focused on my mental/emotional health and became a better friend, partner, teammate, and coworker. I took some time off from TXRG, but eventually came back to the Rec League and was able to have fun with it instead of focusing on competition and politics. Ultimately, not many of the girls from my group who were drafted are still skating with the league. Many realized after a year that it wasn't as fun as they thought it would have been. They were injured or burnt out or just weren't interested in giving so much time to the league. They no longer play at all - recreationally or otherwise - and I find that pretty sad.

When it comes down to it, I was in a new-girl pool with 24 other girls, out of 65 who tried out. I was a relative newbie, who had never been on an athletic team before and wasn't into competitive sports until starting to skate. I was in the new-girl class with extremely talented and well-known skaters like Fifi Nomenon and Barbie Got Back. I am proud to have been in such company, and only wish that I had been more proud of myself at the time, and not so bitter and sad.

Comment edited on: 6/21/2014 9:07:45 PM

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JEWDATNATION 12/8/2012 11:21PM

    yes, i'm going to keep skating with the rec league. i've gotten so much better that it'd be stupid to stop skating now, and i just like it way too much to completely give it up. looking back on the 6 week probationary period with the league, i realize that yes, i had a lot of fun, and i worked really hard and improved a lot, but i was also under a great deal of pressure and stress, and it didn't suit me mentally. especially towards the very end of the probationary period i felt like i was acting a fool from not knowing where i stood with the league, afraid of having been judged and scrutinized at every possible second, constantly scared about what people thought of me. that is NOT fun. so maybe this is a blessing in disguise in a way? i can continue to enjoy skating in rec, keep improving as a skater, keep beating the crap out of the opposition, but have fun at the same time, and feel good about myself too. no one will be taking attendance, it's okay to have a bad day, and nothing that anyone does in the rec league is worthy of trash talk. that's kind of a relief. still...it hurts to be left out. all of my favorite girls from rec ended up getting drafted, and i am left behind.

Comment edited on: 12/9/2012 12:18:26 AM

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BATCHICK 12/8/2012 5:44PM

    What a bummer! BTLSMUM is right, derby can be a huge blow to your self-esteem on a regular basis. Let us know once they give you your feedback. Are you going to keep skating with the REC league?

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BTLSMUM 12/8/2012 2:55PM

    I'm sorry. I totally get how you feel. Good for you for being able to stay away from online stuff. It really does make it worse to see everyone else being happy when you feel so sad.

Be proud of yourself for the improvements you've made! You earned the right to be proud. I know it doesn't help much, but keep in mind that you are already a much better skater than some people could ever hope to be. I think you just need to really evaluate whether derby is making you feel good, mentally. I had surgery a couple of weeks ago. I miss the act of skating sooo much. I miss my friends. I miss belonging to something. I miss the cardio benefits. But, I'm still not sure if I'm going back because I don't miss how bad derby made me feel about myself.

If you want to talk, feel free to message me. :)

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JEWDATNATION 12/8/2012 2:21PM

    They are supposed to get feedback to me soon, but still. I don't know that I'll believe what they tell me.

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KURTZSOGOOD 12/8/2012 1:38PM

    Is there anyone in the league that you could ask about it, like a recruiter? If it was based on skills, maybe some feedback on what went wrong could help you so you can work on those specifics for the next time? Blah. :(

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