Saturday, December 08, 2012
A friend at Zumba has literally had weight falling off of her right in front of my eyes. She looks tremendous. Our instructor has made a big deal out of me- I am even on her website as a success story. She just posted a before and after shot of Barbara on her facebook page and it made me so envious. Crazy right? She has made a big deal of me so why am I jealous? At this same time I read an article in Self magazine about Envy and how it can be used for good. Before reading this article I felt really bad every time I thought about my feelings toward Barbara. The article pointed out that feeling envy is a good time to reflect on what is important to you. So I did that. I realized that I am disappointed in myself for gaining some weight back and not being at my goal weight- or even continuing to make progress in the right direction. I am realizing that it is important to me to focus on healthy eating and activity rather than crying about not being able to indulge in sweets and wine. The article then made the suggestion to talk to the person about how they became so successful. That night I went to Zumba and everyone was making a big fuss over Barbara- she was so embarassed (I get that- it is hard to have all that attention) but so kind too. I was able to ask her what she eats and she shared that she eats high protein, low carb meals. She also does not drink much- maybe even at all. Hmmm. That got me thinking about my eating and I have been tweaking it this week and I feel so good but also I can feel a change in my body. It is craving good foods again. Hallelujah! I am back to making good choices! For example I went to a friends the other night and so I knew I would be having some wine. In the past few months I would have just said oh well I will have a little wine- then drink a bottle have some snacks that I wouldn't count and then go home and feel yucky the next day and probably overeat then too- oh yeah and miss my workout. This time I planned the day so that I had a lot of points leftover (light meals) brought yummy veggies (those sun kissed little yellow tomatoes - yumm) and planned to share a bottle of wine with my sister. I was able to stick to my plan and when I came home I was still a little hungry and I had some cookies I had just bought for my son- still on the counter because God forbid anyone put anything away! But I just thought - No I am not going to have a cookie- I am tired and I need sleep. So another victory!
So this envy thing is not so bad. It has gotten me to a point where I am really focused on what I want- not what anyone else wants. My birthday is this month and I will be turning 47. I have been thinking about how turning 39 was really hard for me. I knew 40 was right around the corner and I was not where I wanted to be health wise in my life. Now I am thinking about how 48,49 and gulp 50 is going to feel and I want to be in the best shape of my life. I can do that!!!! Now is the time for the hard work towards reaching that goal.
I was sharing these thoughts with my sweet daughter the other day and she said "Mom, I am just so proud of you! This probably isn't nice to say but if I were in the hole as much as you were I would have just given up" She meant if she were as heavy as me in the 280's. Wow, that just made my day- that will fuel me. If I could reach down deep inside me and lose 85 lbs then I can lose these last 50 no problem. I love that she shared that with me.
My zumba instructor has been talking about how we need to not look at what we haven't accomplished but focus on the positive- what we have done. This year I have run/walked a 5k- my best time ever!!! I have been running at the gym, in public. My kids and I go to the gym together. I have gone to Zumba at least 3x a week all year. I am still down 70 ish pounds. My house is de-cluttered. My bills are all up to date and organized. I even have all my Christmas presents bought and wrapped! My business is super successful. I am able to support my husband through Nursing school. Both of my kids are on the honor roll. My life is great!