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    MANDELOVICH   56,806
50,000-59,999 SparkPoints
Needing my health more than ever

Saturday, December 08, 2012

Yesterday my husband and I found out that he has stage 4 lung cancer. We are in a state of shock, devastated, it's all completely surreal.

I could barely catch my breath, imagining my life without him after 24 years, imagining my 8 year old daughter growing up without a father, imagining being a single mother. It's all really too much, so unfair, inexplicable.

And when we got home from Sloan Kettering, all I wanted to do was binge. I wanted to drown my sorrows and numb myself and distract myself with a different kind of problem.

But I didn't. I told myself that the nuts wouldn't give my husband more time. I told myself that if I binged, I'd just feel sick and disgusted with myself, as I've been feeling for the past month or two. I'd just wake up heavier, angrier at myself and the world, and less able to give love and positivity to my daughter and my husband.

So I went for a run in the cold rain. I cried as I ran, and I was wet and freezing and it was gray and dreary in the park, just as it felt in my heart. But it was the better choice for sure.

I came home able to put a smile on my face for my husband, telling him that we will live each day with gratitude and joy, that we will savor our time, that maybe he'll be the one who beats the odds and proves the doctors wrong.

What I know for sure is that in this time of devastating crisis, I need to be healthier and stronger than ever. I need to feel good in my body at all times. I need to simplify my life and eliminate negative distractors. I need to focus on having the best time with my family I possibly can.
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIRRORBALLMOON 12/8/2012 10:41PM

    Oh, Julie - I am so, so sorry. Your inner strength is really showing itself in your choice to go for a run and refusing to give in to the urge to binge. Be gentle with yourself and know we are all thinking of you and your family. The daughter of a colleague of mine is also at Sloan Kettering right now. I will send both her and your family prayers every day.

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KRISKECK 12/8/2012 9:23PM

    Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. I am so impressed with your incredibly positive must be a tremendous source of strength for your husband and your daughter. I will be thinking of you.


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RUNNERRACHEL 12/8/2012 9:37AM

    emoticon Thinking of you and your husband and praying for strength for you and healing for your husband. You are right to take care of yourself, stay healthy and positive and that will give your family the best you in these difficult circumstances. Going for a run was a good choice. Keep making choices to benefit you and will also benefit your husband and daughter. emoticon

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DIANESAV1 12/8/2012 9:34AM

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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HDHAWK 12/8/2012 8:52AM

    I am so sorry to hear this news and that your family has to go through this. What else can you do but live each day and help him fight this battle. Going for a run was the best choice. Take care of yourself. emoticon

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KANOE10 12/8/2012 8:19AM

    Julie, I am so sorry about your husband, but hope that he will beat the odds! That was wonderful that you went for a run instead of bingeing. My prayers will be with you and your family. Hugs.

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LE7_1234 12/8/2012 8:09AM


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    I am sorry to hear about the news but YES - miracles can happen and being positive is key. We should all live each day to the fullest - no matter what ... but when faced with this news it becomes an essential part of living.

I am sending you my positive thoughts and prayers. Congratulations on not binging but going on a run instead. You need to be strong for your family!

We're here for you for support... emoticon emoticon

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TINAJANE76 12/8/2012 7:42AM

    Yes! These are great, motivating reasons for you to work hard on staying on track. I'm so sorry that all this is happening to you, but I'm glad that you're feeling upbeat and optimistic about the future and the strength that you have to love and support your daughter and husband. It might not always be easy, but you will get through this and miracles can happen. You've just got to have hope and faith in yourself.

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JGRAY76 12/8/2012 7:22AM

    You are a woman of strength and wisdom. Stay strong for your family and accept the support of friends and family. My husband has survived prostrate cancer, 4 back surgeries and 3 major joint replacement surgeries. I have vowed to take good care of myself so I will be there to take care of him when he needs me. Please know that our hearts and prayers are with you.

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