Saturday, December 08, 2012
*For those who have followed my marriage issues, here is the summary*
On Friday December 7, 2012 I, Beth do declare myself DIVORCED from my husband.
I am divorced from your abuse, your temper, your head games, your meanness, your jealousness, your control, your spite, your negative attitude and any other area of you and/or this relationship that I find harmful to myself in any way. I Thee Divorce my heart, my soul and my being from you!
Because of your health issues that effect you physically & mentally, I will not legally divorce you nor will I physically leave you. In my heart of hearts I know staying with you legally & physically is the right thing to do, so I shall.
But I equally know in my heart of hearts that you have a lot more control of the choices you make then you would want others (myself included) to be aware of.
It is those choices that result in words, actions etc that leave me wounded deeply & make me feel powerless, worthless, hopeless, anger, rage, and a wide breath of many other negative emotions.
I refuse to allow you to intentionally effect me in any of these ways any longer.
I will find my own path through this section of our life and I will walk it without you, for by doing so I know at the end of the path I will find wholeness, peace, joy, gratitude, courage, growth, positivity and health in all aspects of my life and being.
I will continue to take care of you and will allow no harm to come to you that I can stop. I will continue to protect you from yourself unless I myself will be harmed by doing so. I will never look else where for a relationship outside of my vows or would do anything to compromise my own morals and values.
I will continue to live here and cook, clean, shop, pay bills, spend time with you and all the other "wifely" things I have done for over 15 yrs.
Since I have no intention of ever telling you about this divorce I doubt you will ever even notice a difference in our relationship. Unless you look at me some day and notice that I really am OKAY - but you would never do that, as I hold no value to you as a person, a women, a mom, a Grandma, a wife, a friend, a being.
But see that is the grand thing of a divorce. I no longer seek, or need you to hold me at any level of value - as I value me. In doing so ... I Thee DIVORCE!
PS: I thought & prayed over this decision for a very long time. I believe with all of my core of being this is the right choice for both of us. As his wife I "expect" certain things from him for himself & for me from him. He is the happiest when I am not "forcing" him to get well/healthier. As his wife I can not just sit back and watch all he does and say nothing. As his wife I can not just sit back and allow him to treat me the way he does. By "divorcing" him, I am removing myself from those equations.