Friday, December 07, 2012
There are days when I feel like Veruca Salt, "I want, I want, I want"! In this case I want biscuits in a huge quantity and some mindless eating of giant bags of crisps and a huge bottle of pop! I want it all and I don't want to stop. I want!
... I also want to fit into a nice dress at New Year, to be healthy, to feel good about myself and not undo all my hard work.
What am I doing? Blogging. Truth be told, if I broke my leg my first instinct would be, well, it would be to swear, but afterwards you could bet your buttons that I'd blog! I write (a lot, and often) because it helps me analyse what's really going on and just how crazy on a scale of 1 to 10 I'm being. Right now it's a four - howling at the moon, but, crucially, not gibbering in the attic.
I don't need biscuits. Over the past week I had a 95 calorie brownie and I've had a meal out with a glass of champagne. So where is the desire coming from? Perhaps it's because I looked in the mirror and felt dissatisfied. I'm only human and not very patient. Even though there's a big difference between now and September for some reason it doesn't feel enough. Some childish part of my brain is having a hissy fit, "it's too hard", "it'll never work", "you might as well not bother".
I don't believe any of that.
Time for a reality check. I've lost almost 20 lbs so far (damn you, you one elusive pound!), I've gotten so much fitter that it's frankly scary, and I've made myself and other people proud - including my kettlebell coach who's gobsmacked at the difference. None of that knowledge is as tasty as a chocolate chip cookie dunked in tea, at least not at the moment, but then it wouldn't just be one cookie, and any more isn't worth it.
Cravings over? Not quite, but I do feel better.