Today is day 282 of my on track streak!
You know, I feel like an athlete now! I do my best to eat right every day. I have eliminated processed foods from my diet as much as possible, and I never starve myself....and I never binge. I think of food as fuel now, not as something to comfort myself with. I workout every day, and I push myself as hard as I can.
When I go to the grocery store, I park at the furthest end of the parking lot as I can, just so I will get extra steps. When I shop, I read the labels...not just the calories and serving sizes, but also the sugars, sodium, protein, etc. The majority of my time in the grocery store is spent in the produce section...no labels there, lol.
At home when I workout, I try to always give it 100%, and I don't quit when I get sweaty, tired, or when the workout is really challenging me. (This is a far cry from the way I used to workout! In the past, I would just do a half hearted, easy workout, and never break a sweat or even start to breathe a little harder!)
I've become so much stronger and healthier, but I know I still have such a long way to go. I FEEL like an athlete, but I know I sure don't LOOK like one. Sometimes I wonder if people look at me and just see a fat chick. Do they judge me? Do they think I am lazy, or that I eat junk food all day? The old me WAS lazy, and I DID eat junk food all day. But not anymore! I'm so different, but it doesn't really show.
People who know me (like my Spark friends) know how hard I've worked, and they've seen my progress in my pictures. But strangers don't know how far I've come. They can only judge me on what they see. And although I've worked really hard and come a long way since I've started my streak, the truth is that I am still overweight. Although I've lost 71 lbs so far, I still have a big belly and big arms. I have muscles, but they are still covered in the fat layers that I'm working so hard to melt off.
Today when I went to the grocery store, I stopped first at Dash In (convenience store) to get gas. As I was going in to pay, there was a group of about 6 or so people standing out front with their bicycles, drinking water. They were wearing those skin tight bike shorts and shirts and those special shoes, and helmets. They looked so darn healthy and in shape and athletic! I was intimidated to walk past them. Although they didn't say anything, I felt like they were looking at me and judging me. Maybe they were...or maybe it was just my own insecurity messing with my head. But I felt like saying "I'm not really what you see! I'm an athlete too!"
Sometimes I feel intimidated and insecure even here on Sparks. I blog and talk about how hard I workout, and then someone will leave a nice comment on my blog...and when I go to look at their page to thank them for the comment, I see they are thin, with a low body fat, and that they run marathons or something like that! It makes me feel like "oh, I'm not as good as she is! She probably thinks I'm just a silly old fat lady and that my workouts are just a warm up for someone like her!"
I need to remember that this is not a competition, and I'm not doing this to impress anyone but MYSELF. I am working out and eating right in order to be healthy, and to save my life. NOT because I need to be like anyone else. I just want to be the best that *I* can be. I may not look like an athlete now, and maybe I never will. But I am going to keep working hard, and make every day as healthy as I can. I may never be able to ride my bike for miles, or to run in a marathon...but I can be the best version of me!
I wish you all a great day! Keep working, keep pushing yourself, and do everything you can in order to be the best version of YOU that you can be! You are worth the effort!