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    PIXIE-LICIOUS   141,579
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I need to remember that its not a competition!


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Friday, December 07, 2012



Today is day 282 of my on track streak!

You know, I feel like an athlete now! I do my best to eat right every day. I have eliminated processed foods from my diet as much as possible, and I never starve myself....and I never binge. I think of food as fuel now, not as something to comfort myself with. I workout every day, and I push myself as hard as I can.

When I go to the grocery store, I park at the furthest end of the parking lot as I can, just so I will get extra steps. When I shop, I read the labels...not just the calories and serving sizes, but also the sugars, sodium, protein, etc. The majority of my time in the grocery store is spent in the produce section...no labels there, lol.



At home when I workout, I try to always give it 100%, and I don't quit when I get sweaty, tired, or when the workout is really challenging me. (This is a far cry from the way I used to workout! In the past, I would just do a half hearted, easy workout, and never break a sweat or even start to breathe a little harder!)

I've become so much stronger and healthier, but I know I still have such a long way to go. I FEEL like an athlete, but I know I sure don't LOOK like one. Sometimes I wonder if people look at me and just see a fat chick. Do they judge me? Do they think I am lazy, or that I eat junk food all day? The old me WAS lazy, and I DID eat junk food all day. But not anymore! I'm so different, but it doesn't really show.




People who know me (like my Spark friends) know how hard I've worked, and they've seen my progress in my pictures. But strangers don't know how far I've come. They can only judge me on what they see. And although I've worked really hard and come a long way since I've started my streak, the truth is that I am still overweight. Although I've lost 71 lbs so far, I still have a big belly and big arms. I have muscles, but they are still covered in the fat layers that I'm working so hard to melt off.

Today when I went to the grocery store, I stopped first at Dash In (convenience store) to get gas. As I was going in to pay, there was a group of about 6 or so people standing out front with their bicycles, drinking water. They were wearing those skin tight bike shorts and shirts and those special shoes, and helmets. They looked so darn healthy and in shape and athletic! I was intimidated to walk past them. Although they didn't say anything, I felt like they were looking at me and judging me. Maybe they were...or maybe it was just my own insecurity messing with my head. But I felt like saying "I'm not really what you see! I'm an athlete too!"

Sometimes I feel intimidated and insecure even here on Sparks. I blog and talk about how hard I workout, and then someone will leave a nice comment on my blog...and when I go to look at their page to thank them for the comment, I see they are thin, with a low body fat, and that they run marathons or something like that! It makes me feel like "oh, I'm not as good as she is! She probably thinks I'm just a silly old fat lady and that my workouts are just a warm up for someone like her!"



I need to remember that this is not a competition, and I'm not doing this to impress anyone but MYSELF. I am working out and eating right in order to be healthy, and to save my life. NOT because I need to be like anyone else. I just want to be the best that *I* can be. I may not look like an athlete now, and maybe I never will. But I am going to keep working hard, and make every day as healthy as I can. I may never be able to ride my bike for miles, or to run in a marathon...but I can be the best version of me!



I wish you all a great day! Keep working, keep pushing yourself, and do everything you can in order to be the best version of YOU that you can be! You are worth the effort!


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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
FLRED12 12/8/2012 2:59PM

  I know exactly what you are saying. I love your Christmas motif! emoticon

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WORLDSERIES11 12/8/2012 1:55PM

    I think you were reading my mind!!! I often feel the same way. That's why your blogs are such a delight to read...so many of us can relate to your experiences. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings and helping us to feel like we can be successful at these healthy changes we are making in our lives!!
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HEARTS116 12/8/2012 1:07PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PATRICIAANN46 12/8/2012 12:38PM

  Hi Pixie.........
Your blogs are the emoticon I always feel so encouraged after reading them. emoticon

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EBURGITE 12/8/2012 12:38PM

    i feel you! you've aptly communicated what goes on in my head, and i imagine others' heads, as well. i read somewhere on this site, "i've got six pack abs, in a soft-sided cooler." well, i DON'T have six pack abs, but i've got the soft-sided cooler, for sure!
i may never look the part of an athlete, but i will keep working on getting strong and healthy.
emoticon for your honesty.

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PCASEY7 12/8/2012 12:26PM

    Well said! I know it's difficult but the only opinion that matters is YOURS!

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JANESLOSS 12/8/2012 11:23AM

    Another great blog Pixie!!

I feel the same way when someone who doesn't know me sees me. They don't know how hard I've worked or what obstacles I've had to deal with along the way. I try hard not to care what others are thinking about me. I've worked hard and will continue to do so.

We will continue on our journey and every journey has it's own path!!

Big Hugs,

Jane emoticon

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ANGELN325 12/8/2012 10:54AM

    Wow! I totally needed to hear this! Because I'm trying to get where you are where this is about saving my life and that's what I tell myself...I'm saving my life, but I get so intimidated by everyone else's progress and have caused myself injury from trying to impress others instead of doing less and concentrating more on my form, but you are right...this is not about a competition. It's about being the best, healthy me I can be and setting a good example for my daughter. TY so much for this wonderful blog and bringing back to focus on WHO I'm doing this for and what I need to do!

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DALMOM2007 12/8/2012 10:53AM

    What a great blog! You really have a great way to put everything in perspective. You ARE an athlete and a darn good one! Thanks for this blog! emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/8/2012 10:54:18 AM

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MIMIDOT 12/8/2012 10:35AM

    You're doing the best you can, and that's what counts. Keep up the good work.
Enjoyed your blog. Thank you for the reminder that it's not a competition.

Spark on!

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IAMAGEMLOVER 12/8/2012 10:16AM

    I love that first sign. So many people email me and ask how did you lose so much weight? Will you mentor me? Of course, this is very flattering, and I do "mentor" them and stay in touch. I also tell them my journey worked for me, it was and is my journey. What worked for me may or may not work for you. We are 2 different people, with different metabolisms. It can be a competition as long as it is a fun competition. Great blog Pixie.

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LUDGEUBOOHOO 12/8/2012 10:10AM

    Good one. and great reminder

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SHOAPIE 12/8/2012 10:08AM

    emoticon

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MOMMY445 12/8/2012 10:00AM

    what an amazing blog,Pixie! have a fabulous day!

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NEWMOM20121 12/8/2012 9:54AM

    Great job. You are an an athlete, you should be very proud. You are right this is not a competition and your journey is not mine. Keep up the hard work.

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CTMOM2KIDS 12/8/2012 9:53AM

    You ARE an athlete, but more important than that, you ARE AMAZING!!!! You are truly an inspiration! KEEP UP THIS AMAZING JOURNEY YOU'RE ON!! Thank you for always striving to be the very best you can be. It is giving the rest of us hope!

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JANEMARIE77 12/8/2012 9:20AM

    Comparing is natural but get us no where think we know what other are thinking is natural but get us no where When I here that noise in my head I start my list of what I am blessed with today and that list is slow long and amazing that there is just no time for all the other worthlessness. Be the best you you can be. you are doing it and you are worth it

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LIFETIMER54 12/8/2012 9:18AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JOYCRN 12/8/2012 8:55AM

    "I FEEL like an athlete, but I know I sure don't LOOK like one. " often descibes me too!
Thanks for the post. It is nice to not be alone in this. emoticon

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DJSHIP46 12/8/2012 8:47AM

    You're doing SO GREAT!!! emoticon emoticon

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SIMPLYABUNDANT 12/8/2012 8:42AM

    You ARE an athlete. You've been in training 282 days (and counting!) with no slack "off-season."

One of the hardest truths to absorb, but a truth nonetheless, is that it isn't helpful to compare ourselves to others. If we look at the lean, sleek bikers, then we feel inferior; if we look at the inactive, couch potatoes, we can feel smug. You are really doing right to keep the focus on yourself.

I never was much for competition because I was sort of clunky, athletically-speaking, and team sports were never my thing. But I love competing against myself, trying to do better, get a better time, walk farther, rack up more minutes on the Wii. When you've look at all you've accomplished this year, when you look at the strength you've achieved, the yoga postures you can do now, when you think about how much better you feel and how much more stamina you have, you can see the results that have come because of your HARD WORK! Believe me, you wouldn't be where you are now if you had not become an athlete in the last 282 days.

Pixie, you are so inspiring to me, and a great model for all of us here on SP! Never forget it!


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DNRAE1 12/8/2012 8:41AM

    Believe in yourself and also in the goodness of others, Pixie. Reread BESSHAILE's comment again, and realize that most people mean what they say and are inspired by you, so again, Believe in yourself and the honesty and good wishes of others.

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VICKI-IS-LOSING 12/8/2012 8:33AM

    Pixie, I don't know anyone that works harder than you do to reach your goals. You're one determined lady and I'm proud to call you my spark friend. emoticon

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JIBBIE49 12/8/2012 8:16AM

    emoticon Wonderful to see you featured again in the Spark Mail. What an inspiration you are to others.

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TREYONE 12/8/2012 7:57AM

  Remember, it is not important what people think - it isall about how you feel abou yourself that is what really matters!! You AREan athlete!! Who defines that except YOU!! Keep up the awesome attitude!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WALKINGGIRL6 12/8/2012 7:36AM

    No two people look alike. You are an athelete. Thanks for the prayers, I have changed my attitude and I'm willing to put effort in my maintenance.

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CJADERUN 12/8/2012 7:24AM

    My mom has to keep reminding me it's no a competition as well.

Although, I'm mostly compatetive with myself, so that's awkward.

Solid blog--thanks for sharing!

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MANDELOVICH 12/8/2012 7:23AM

    Pixie, I just want to say that you are a huge inspiration! You have made incredible changes in your lifestyle and health and weight! And I admire you so much! I would love to tell you in 285 days that I haven't binged, that I've had almost a one year streak! That in and of itself is HUGE! I'm so impressed and inspired by you! Please keep your mantra in mind - it's not a competition - it's all about the amazing changes you've made!

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BESSHAILE 12/8/2012 7:07AM

    First off {{{HUGS}}}

and then - remember - do you look at heavy people and sneer at them, think they are something bad, wrinkle your nose?

I doubt it. You might look at a heavy person and feel empathy - your heart might constrict for them, but I bet you don't look down on them.

I don't believe most fit healthy people look down on the rest of us. The truth is, I don't think they are looking at others nearly so much as they are thinking about themselves. Truth is - we all are - but I the worst thing a fit person thinks when she looks at someone who's not there yet is "I remember when I looked like that. Better put in another 10 minutes."

But there - you know this don't you? I could see by the end of your blog that you were remembering.

so here's another emoticon

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KITT52 12/8/2012 6:40AM

    emoticon

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REGILIEH 12/8/2012 6:38AM

    I like to compete, but I only compete with myself. Pixie, I wish I had a magic wand to wave over you and take your insecurities away. I would like to take away you caring what other people think. I bet at least 95% of the time they are not even noticing you much less thinking anything about you. I hate it that you let anybody intimidate you and I bet if they knew they were that they would hate it too. You need to start liking yourself as much as all of us like you. I wish you Self-Esteem, I want to give that to you, please take it! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MARYBETH4884 12/8/2012 6:31AM

    Thank you, your blog is exactly what is going on in my mind. I dislike going out to exercise because I feel like I' m on display and I wonder what people are thinking about the fat lady exercising. I've just got to focus on my journey, my health, and obviously my personal worth. It's just nice to know someone else understands! Thanks for leading the way Pixie!

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SHERYLDS 12/8/2012 6:31AM

    Beautifully Expressed......GO FOR IT

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SANDYCRANE 12/8/2012 6:29AM

    I can relate to your story about the people at the gas station. When I first started SP I rode my bike on the country roads where I live. There are a lot of people out biking that wear all the right gear. They would come up behind me and then pass with out a word. I got in the habit where I would always say Hi first just to let them know that I was not intimidated by them. I was getting in shape and that is all that matters. It was tough to always ride alone but I did it. You write the most remarkable blogs, you have a true gift. Keep up with the good work, you are quite the remarkable lady Pixie. You should be proud.

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BECKYANNE1 12/8/2012 6:18AM

    This isn't a competition. You are doing this for you. I look at those other blogs as inspiration. They've been here to support me and I may not run a marathon, but I am a runner and I've accomplished a great deal since I began this journey. I do things for me and no one else. emoticon

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ADELE66 12/8/2012 5:39AM

    What a fantastic blog!

I have been struggling with exactly the same thing. When I go hiking, I put on my boots and backpack, dig out my poles and set off. I have built up from walking 4 miles to the last hike I did which was 9.5 miles. As I am trudging back to my car at the end of 9.5 miles, I wonder whether the other people in the car park think I have just walked a 2 mile loop, and I want to have it emblazoned on my t-shirt... "I JUST WALKED 9.5 MILES!!"

The way I am handling it now? Just to keep on doing it. Every time I walk by a running athlete or a superfit cyclist, I smile, I say good morning and I keep on going.

People will always think stuff about other people, and we have no control over that. What we do have, is control over what we think of ourselves. I think I am doing great with my hiking. And that's all that matters!

Adele :o)

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NCSUE0514 12/8/2012 4:53AM

    Great blog.

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TDWANDD2MYK9 12/8/2012 4:50AM

    emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 12/8/2012 4:40AM

    thatīs how i sometimes feel when i come to your page(how you feel when you go to someone thinner running marathons etc)but instead of it getting me down i use you to inspire me to do better.i may have lost more weight than you but i still have along way to go.the only people we should compare ourselfs with is our former selfs and you and me baby are alot better than our former selfs so we both have a right to be proud.keep on keeping on you are doing GREAT. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AMANDACOETZER 12/8/2012 4:13AM

    I feel like that all the time. Thanks for your blog.

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COCK-ROBIN 12/8/2012 12:42AM

    That's right. The only one you need to compare yourself with is you. And you're doing great!

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COCK-ROBIN 12/8/2012 12:42AM

    That's right. The only one you need to compare yourself with is you. And you're doing great!

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LUVTOBOWL 12/7/2012 11:15PM

    Very nice blog and well put. It is so easy to compare yourself to other's especially when on this journey. Thanks for writing, I needed this one.

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Tammy

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SKINNIESOMEDAY 12/7/2012 11:15PM

    great blog and I guess we all deal with negative thoughts no matter what size or how big or small we are. You started just when I did and you've beat me ...... and I am SO proud for you !! Awesome job Pixie !!

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L1ZB3TH354 12/7/2012 10:35PM

    Awesome blog Pixie! I have felt what you have felt. But, like you said, each of us have their own journeys. I am old enough to have learned not to care what others think. I only want them to know that I am a nice person. It sounds kind of harsh but I spent a lot of my life being self conscious and insecure. I can't bring myself down with negative statements or looks from others. I, like you, are trying to be the best person I can be. You are an awesome inspiration to me. Keep up the great work.

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TONYTHETSANGEL 12/7/2012 10:04PM

    Pixie, you are doing so great! Stay focused and Do You!!! I know you are going to reach whatever goal is for you!

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GARDENSFORLIFE 12/7/2012 9:58PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
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DALID414 12/7/2012 9:56PM

    Oh Pixie, I hope I'm not one of people who intimidates or makes you feel insecure. I mean every comment and compliment I give you!!

Don't think about what other people might be thinking about you, it's there loss for not getting to know you.

You are absolutely an athlete!

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4RASCALS 12/7/2012 8:23PM

    Great blog. I see a beautiful person who has made huge changes in her life. I am so proud of you. I have no doubt that you will accomplish your goals. If you look at my spark page I have no
picture because I would be embarrassed , thin I'm not, but I'm working on it. Someday in the near future I also will complete my journey. Hold your head high. You have worked hard, & you don't owe anyone an explanation. Your remind me of a butterfly emerging from a cocoon.

By the way, Yoga is not that easy I tried it last night, and could not hold the poses yet.
You are An athlete .. You are a Winner... You are an inspiration to us all


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MSBEKANATOR 12/7/2012 8:21PM

    Thanks for this blog, it is so exactly how I feel at times, and I so needed your gentle admontions to quit looking at others! It really isn't a competition, and when you look at how far we have come, it is amazing!!! :) Thanks again for being so inspiring!

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