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Dec 7th 2012 Funnies for the Day !!!!


Friday, December 07, 2012

Retirement !!!

Question: How many days in a week?

Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday







Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?

Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.





Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?

Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.





Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?

Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.





Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?

Answer : The term comes with a 10% discount.





Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?

Answer: Tied shoes.





Question: Why do retirees count pennies?

Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.





Question: What is the common term for a senior who still works and refuses to retire?

Answer: Nuts





Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?

Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. Or move back in there . . .





Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?

Answer: Normal.





Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?

Answer: The never ending Coffee Breakůspiked !





Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?

Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.





Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he worked with?

Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.





QUESTION: What do you do all week?

Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.





SERENITY



Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,

'How old was your husband?' '99,' she replied..

'Two years older than me'

'So you're 97,' the undertaker commented..

She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?



Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked

She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'



The nice thing about being senile is

you can hide your own Easter eggs



I've sure gotten old!

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.

I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that

make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

Have bouts with dementia.

Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 95.

Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,

I still have my driver's license.



I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to

join a fitness club and start exercising.

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,

by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.



An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.

'Why Wal-Mart?'

'Then I'll be sure my children visit me twice a week'



My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.



Know how to prevent sagging?

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.



It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
( my personal favorite !!!) Gemini-Sky Made me laugh to tears !


These days about half the stuff

in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'



THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people

I never liked anyway,

the good fortune to run into the ones I do,

and the eyesight to tell the difference.





Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others.

Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!



Always Remember This:

You don't stop laughing because you grow old,

You grow old because you stop laughing

OH By The Way...We are NEVER to Old to Forget Pearl Harbor Day...




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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
DANAPRIME 12/11/2012 9:46PM

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PATRICIAAK 12/9/2012 2:02AM

    haha

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SHARJOPAUL 12/8/2012 7:39AM

    LOL

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NASFKAB 12/8/2012 4:06AM

  great

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ARTJAC 12/7/2012 9:59PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PARKERB2 12/7/2012 2:48PM

    Good ones, thanks for sharing.

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GARDENSFORLIFE 12/7/2012 10:51AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Enjoy your day!

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SKEETOR 12/7/2012 10:48AM

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LINDAKAY228 12/7/2012 10:10AM

    Very funny! I especially love the one about not cleaning the garage or whatever because kids will either store things or move back! So true!

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