Friday, December 07, 2012
My meal plan is going fine. I'm staying below my calorie range, and tracking my food everyday. I've already noticed a change in face--which is always the first place I lose weight.
I've also noticed that I'm able to stand up for a longer amount of time when I'm taking a shower, and it's also easier for me to get out of my recliner, which, trust me, is no easy task! I want so badly to get this weight off. I'm just plain old sick and tired of being handicapped because of my weight.
Last night was my 7 year old grandson's Christmas Choir Program. I wasn't able to go and see him sing. I can barely manage to type these words and admit that without wanting to cry. I feel sick inside in not only what I'm missing out on, but more importantly to me, what I'm making my family miss out on. A few weeks ago was Grandparent's Day at my kid's school. I couldn't go as I knew my weight would not allow me to walk down the halls to their classes. I also wasn't sure of the seating, and whether or not I would fit in the chairs--or worse--collapse one. My DH and my brother went to that function without me. I stayed home and cried all day. A few days later I fell in the kitchen, and, no matter how hard I tried, I absolutely could not get up. I had to call my DH home from hunting to help me get up. I have never in my entire life felt as helpless, ashamed and angry with myself as I felt that morning sitting on the floor waiting for someone to help me up because I had eaten myself into being so large that I couldn't maneuver it on my own.
For those of you reading this who are perhaps not familiar with anyone who is very, VERY large, they might not understand how someone could permit this to happen to themselves. How could anyone eat so uncontrollably that they become a virtual prisoner inside their own bodies? How could they risk their health, mobility and indeed their very quality of life by over-eating? My answer to you in I just plain don't know. I truly don't.
And I'm not alone. Neither the medical community nor the overweight individuals themselves can pin point any, one, cause why this happens. Theories abound that may include genetics, environment, psychological factors, level of income and even social class. There are a myriad of reasons why a person can become Super Morbidly Obese. That's the correct term. Not very pretty sounding, is it?
What most medical authorities DO agree on is that at an individual level, a combination of eating too much and a lack of physical activity is thought to explain most cases. And becoming VERY fat is the end result.
And that's the only part I care about. Because in the end--I really don't care WHY I became fat. All I care about it is knowing how can I get RID OF IT? And common sense tells me that since I became fat one meal at a time, I can get thin the same way.
I'm writing this here--something I ordinarily find very hard to do, -- not for sympathy, but to explain why I am DETERMINED that I am not going to live the rest of my life as a helpless victim of my own wrong choices. I am taking back control of my life.