Trying to stay strong
Friday, December 07, 2012
I took a brutal hit over Thanksgiving with my weight loss plans. I have nobody to blame but myself. Complete self-inflicted. Honestly though, mentally at the time, I was ok with going "all-in" for one day, but somehow I have ended up sabotaging myself. Ever since Thanksgiving, that old familiar feeling of needing to feel "full" has been setting back in. I guess it's making me think about what it really means to be "full". Because for me, I know I need to stop eating before I feel "full", because it takes too much eating for me to get to that point. I think I've been missing feeling "full". Does that make sense? When I say "full" I don't mean "I don't feel hungry anymore". I mean, full="no more room". I remember in the beginning of my journey, I literally had to force myself not to eat beyond what I had planned out for the day because if I continued to go until I was "full", I would bust my calorie range. Well, here I am, several months later, feeling like I'm facing this all over again. After a couple of months, I got used to my portions, and for the most part felt that I was able to control myself and keep with it. But now, since Thanksgiving, I feel like I need that stuffed feeling again to feel satisfied. Why does this happen? Seriously, why can't my brain tell me to stop eating when my body has had enough? Just more proof, that I'm a food addict. I know this about me.... I finally admitted this to myself honestly when I started SP back in January. So, why are things "hard" again after all of this time? I feel like I'm walking a tight-rope, and if I stay on, I get to keep my new life going, and if I fall off, I go back to the old me. I REALLY don't want to fall off. I've worked way to hard for way too long to do that. Every morning for the last week or so, I wake up telling myself that today I will work harder at staying within my range, but I have been busting my calorie range repeatedly. There have been a few days in-between that I have succeeded with this goal, but I have to be honest in reporting that I've seen more days of over doing it than not since Thanksgiving. The good thing is that I have been exercising, so I haven't completely lost my will. But lately, this is hard. I'm trying to do a lot of soul searching about this. Maybe too much? Anyways, I am trying to get back to what works... Continue logging everything I eat, pushing the water intake, continue exercising... I just got to get past this feeling that I need to feel stuffed to be satisfied. Not sure how quite yet. Just trying to work through it.